


In Fields Where Poppies Grow

by CinnamonnyBunny



Series: Infinite Hiatus [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (IDW Comics), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Violence, Family Feels, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I swear the first chapter is the worst one, Injury Recovery, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2016, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Team Feels, Whump, inspired by comics, it's rough waters but it'll get better eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonnyBunny/pseuds/CinnamonnyBunny
Summary: An ill-fated venture into a scavenging spot for supplies may bring the team's worst fears to pass. How do you keep things together when your family, your whole world, is falling apart? Inspired by RP and the IDW comics.--ON HIATUS--I made the decision to rewrite this from the ground up in the series of fix-it fics I'm working on, which completely changes the context of what happens. I'm not orphaning it, but this version of the story itself won't be updated.
Series: Infinite Hiatus [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183940
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was my NaNo project in 2016, and I never did brush it up to publish it. It was based on some events on my long-running Donnie rp blog and events in the IDW comics. Loose sort-of sequel to [The Devil and Casey Jones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566013/chapters/17211685).

“Hey Donnie, do you have a telescope?”

The question caught the genius off-guard, and he turned slightly from the project he’d been engrossed in as April trotted into his lab, tossing her backpack on the floor in an area he had deemed “the safe zone.” He knew the Perseids were peaking soon, and he had originally entertained the notion of asking April if she’d like to watch them with him, but the fact that she beat him to the punch honestly caught him speechless, if only for a moment.

Clearing his throat to help dispel a bit of that surprise that was lingering in his voice, he offered a smile. “I do, in fact! Are you thinking of catching the Perseids?”

She laughed a little, turning so she could lean half sitting on his work table. “Well, yes and no? We got an email from the school with everything we need for the upcoming school year, and the new science teacher wants us to observe the meteor shower. Everyone else is going to the observatory or using telescopes they have at home, but I figured: I know a guy who’s got every gadget in the known universe, so whatever he has is probably better than any home telescope, and I’ll bet he knows the absolute best place for the best view. So I came straight to you.”

“Well, you came to the right place.” He puffed up a bit, looking pleased as could be that he could be of assistance. “I need to do a quick repair or two, but we’ve got a couple of days before the shower should really be at its best- um, you have a couple of days, right?”

April nodded, crossing her legs at the ankles. Seeing Donnie in his element, even partially, was always a treat. Too few people took the time to appreciate that about him, even his brothers. “Yep. We have until the end of the meteor shower officially.”

Donnie pushed away from his work table to stand, nodding himself as he headed over to a cabinet that looked like it had been pieced together from spare parts, with a lock that looked like it had been changed out a few times hanging from its front latch. “Excellent! Well, like I said, I’ll need to do a few repairs, but I can easily have that done by the shower’s peak… which I think is on the 12th this year, which is tomorrow night. That said, this baby is the most powerful small telescope you’re going to find… leaps and bounds above the home models most people have.”

“I’d expect no less from our resident mad scientist,” April teased. “But that’s super cool. You’ll come up with me, right? To help me set it up?”

Without any hesitation, Donnie cast a brilliant grin over his shoulder, the prospect brightening him right up. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Apes. Ah, and here we go…!”

The telescope was an old Tasco model, probably from sometime in the mid 1980s, with its original olive green paint mostly chipped away. It had been heavily modified and repaired, and April guessed he must’ve found it in a junkyard some time ago in order to have done what he needed to make the thing even close to functional again.

“I think that thing is as old as both of us combined, D.”

“Oh, you’re probably not wrong. Sensei found this when we were eight or nine? I was always getting into everything, so he figured a telescope would be a great use of everything I was learning. It’s been a pet project ever since.”

When he started setting up the telescope in front of her so she could get a better look, April leaned forward, marveling at how much work it was clear he had put into it. “I don’t think I tell you often enough that you’re a genius. I don’t think anyone does. This is amazing, Donnie.”

Quickly, he ducked his head, laughing a bit as he fiddled with the controls and a faint blush colored his cheeks. “It’s nothing, really. Just doing what I do best, you know? Anyway, a little adjustment and… there. The legs are wobbly and right now the dials that adjust the field of view aren’t as accurate as I’d like, so I’ll just need to get a few parts before we hit the rooftops.”

“I’m surprised it’s not okay as is. You sure you even need to do any repairs?”

“You know me, April: I like to be very thorough. Besides, what I need to do won’t take long at all. And when we get to it, this’ll also help me fine tune the measurements way more, so you’ll be helping me out too.”

She just grinned and shook her head. “I’ll have to take your word for it. Do we wanna set a time?”

Though he had his hands busy tinkering with the dials on the telescope, the turtle nodded, scrunching up his snout again thoughtfully. “The best viewing time is gonna be in the pre-dawn hours of that Monday, so we’ll probably want to meet around three or four if you’re up for an all-nighter.”

“When haven’t we pulled all-nighters?” April grinned, leaning back so she could stretch out a leg and poke his kneepad with the toe of her shoe. “Four sounds like our best time. Can we be sure our spot won’t be staked out by other folks out stargazing?”

He honestly hadn’t thought of that. After a moment or two of thoughtful pause, he stood straight, hooking his thumbs on his belt. “There’s one spot in the city I know of that’d be perfect and has a pretty unobstructed view, and it’s out in the warehouse district. I doubt anyone will think to head out there, so we should be okay. That said, we should probably meet a little earlier. We can catch some early meteors and document what we see. Gives us time to mess with the angle on the telescope, too. So how about midnight?”

Again, April nodded. “All right, midnight sounds just fine by me. Well, I’ll leave you to it. I have practice with Master Splinter, and I figure it’s probably not in my best interests to skip that.” She hopped to her feet, popping him gently in the shoulder as she passed. “This’ll be fun!”

“Oh yeah, totally,” Donnie replied, cheeks coloring again. “And you know you don’t even gotta ask for me to help you out on anything like this, April.”

“I know, D. You’re the best.”

After a quick smile up at him, she slipped out, leaving him to his work. She hadn’t been gone very long when Raphael snuck his way in, grinning as he watched his taller little brother work in the telescope he’d pulled from the cabinet. “Gosh, D, you’re the best!” He laughed when Donnie’s dark eyes shifted toward him, peering over his shoulder with an irritated look. “Man you must be beside yourself. Date with April, and she asks you first? Your lucky night, Don.”

“It is not a date,” Donnie grumbled, moving away from the telescope to pick up his tools. “She needs some help with something for school, and I’m helping her. That’s what friends do.”

Raph rolled his eyes, trotting over to look at the telescope the instant Donnie stepped away from it. “Yeah, Don, sure. Whatever you wanna tell yourself. Man, you still have this old thing?”

An irritated sigh drifted from the younger turtle, who turned to frown at him. “Don’t you have anything better to do than coming into my lab to bother me? I am trying to work in here.”

“Not really, no. Besides, I’m your big brother; it’s my job.”

“Your job is to not break my things- don’t touch that, it’s very delicate!”

After a quick glance at his brother to gauge how serious he was really being, Raph lifted his hands and took a step or two back. “Chill out, Donnie. I was just looking. Worried I might mess up your date?”

Donnie gave a frustrated huff, stomping back over to drop his toolkit almost a little too close to Raph’s toes. “I already said, it is not a date! And I’m worried you’ll mess up the already very delicate settings.”

“God, Donnie, no need to be so anal about it.”

The look Donnie shot his older brother was scathing. “I’m not being “anal,” as you have so crassly decided to put it. This is just very easy to unalign equipment. And if it’s not handled carefully, then all my hard work will be completely screwed over. So if you don’t mind?”

Raph snorted, thumping Donnie once hard on the shell, with enough force that he nearly staggered his thinner sibling. “Yeah, whatever, Don. Man, you need to learn to lighten up a little bit. I’m only teasing. I mean, how can I resist? You’ve pretty much painted a target on your shell!”

“Raph, get out of my lab!”

Grinning still, the older turtle trotted out, waving a hand as he went. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I’m going roof running with Casey. Have fun on your date tomorrow, lover boy.”

Donnie immediately bristled, puffing out his cheeks in irritation. “It is NOT a date!”

The rest of the evening passed in blissful silence for the genius, who continued his work holed up quietly in his lab, marking down the simple parts he needed to complete work on his new project. He only had tonight and a little of the following to prepare. For all of his brother’s teasing, he really wasn’t regarding this as a date- he hadn’t had the chance to go see the Perseids himself, and it was a good opportunity to help out his closest friend. He’d pick up a pizza, take all his recording gear he could carry… it would be fun.

He gave a quick glance over his list. There were several parts and pieces still missing, though most of them could easily be compensated for. He nodded slowly, tucking the list away into a pouch on his belt. He could deal with training during the day - thankfully his focus for the day’s set of kata was supposed to be on keeping his opponents at better range, especially those with better reach, and Mikey was considered a better opponent for such training than Leo or raph.

Beaming, he tucked away the telescope in the cabinet he’d removed it from before heading to his room, shedding his belts and mask before crawling into bed.

Tomorrow night was going to be a blast.

* * *

Almost immediately after he’d completed his training and dinner was seen to - in the lab, away from his brothers - Donnie grabbed his satchel and headed straight to a place he’d affectionately dubbed “the Tunnel.” This was, without question, his favorite spot to go salvaging. Sure, there were plenty of other places in the city with a ton of other random, mismatched junk that he could use for any manner of things, but this one spot seemed to accumulate the most discarded tech. Which suited Donatello just fine.

It was also one of his safest spots. Most of the other locations he tended to visit with his brothers, making sure he had someone there to watch his shell if things went south. Here, he could settle in the simple pleasure of digging through a veritable goldmine of old computer parts, obsolete boards he could easily upgrade, and so much more, all with only the background noise of a busy city behind him. And when one lived with three brothers, all who tended toward various levels of boisterous - to put it lightly, they sometimes just needed a break. Tonight would be that break for him, with just him, a telescope, a pizza, and April on a rooftop in the warehouse district, checking out a meteor shower.

He’d slipped out while the others were just horsing around in the pit, with no one the wiser, and he would easily be back with just enough time to finish work on his telescope before he was set to meet up with April. Even better, tonight was supposed to be a night in- no patrol, just rest, so his brothers would probably leave them to their own devices. And he was free to continue his work in relative peace.

Cheered by his own resourcefulness, the genius pressed on, moving to another stack of old hardware. In hindsight, he would tell himself he should’ve been more careful… should’ve paid more attention to his surroundings. Maybe if he had, he would have heard the sounds of someone else rooting around in his favorite spot.

“Don’t even know why we gotta be down here. Nothin’ useful, unless you got the brain to fix old junk. Me? I like new stuff. Why build up when you can steal new?”

“Is pointless, if you ask me-”

“I didn’t.”

“Why use the computers and the techy gizmos when hammers and fists work fine in pinch?”

“I swear, Steranko, you wouldn’t know a good piece of equipment if it bit you in the-”

“Shhhhhhh, shhh. Are you hearing that, comrade? Sounds like someone is close by.”

From their spot at the opposite end of the junk pile, Bebop and Rocksteady had a unique vantage point. From here, they could see the purple masked turtle as he rummaged in some of the leftover parts, and it seemed - despite their conversation - that he hadn’t even noticed them yet. Too busy looking over parts and mumbling to himself in thoughts and equations.

Bebop gave a nasty chuckle at that. “Well if it ain’t the little smarty pants. Looks like he’s alone, too! Ooooh, Steranko my man, we find ourselves presented here with a golden opportunity. If we kill that kid, we’ll be back in the boss’s good graces for sure.”

“How will we be doing the killing? Shooting is too indirect. Needs to send message.”

The smaller mutant snorted softly at that. “These little reptiles are fast, man. We gotta hit quick. Shootin’ is gonna be the fastest way- Steranko!”

In his reasoning, he had somehow missed his far larger companion from charging into the opening. Though initially startled by a mutant rhino coming at him full speed with its head down, Donnie reacted as quickly as he could, rolling out of the way just fast enough to avoid being impaled.

“Are you kidding me?!” he blurted, tossing his satchel off to the side. “I do not have time to deal with you two goons right now.”

As he was talking, he’d spun out his bo, an action which caused the massive Russian mutant to give a deep, heavy laugh. “You aren’t having the time to keep breathing, little turtle. When we are being finished with you, you will resemble so much paste in shell!”

Donnie jumped back, just managing to dodge as one of the rhino’s hammers came swinging at his side. This nearly had him stumbling right into a laser blast from Bebop, who was - at least for the time being - staying too far out of Donnie’s reach for him to be able to close quickly. Especially not past Rocksteady, who loomed in front of him like a giant. It was a very David and Goliath scenario, he mused, if David had been armed with a bo instead of a slingshot.

Equally unlike the legendary tale, David had supernatural powers on his side, where Donnie only had his speed and his wit. Well, hopefully he could make that count. He rolled this time when Rocksteady took another swing, using piles of scrap as convenient cover. What time was it anyway?

Either way, he needed to hurry. He absolutely did not have the time to tangle with these goons, not when he had a limited amount of time to finish his repairs and get to the warehouse district. So he stayed low and stuck to the shadows, hoping that would be enough. He pulled out his t-phone, quickly tapping out a message to whichever one of his brothers’ faces he clicked first. “HELP.”

“Boy, you’ll be in a lot less pain if you just let us do what we gotta do. Promise we’ll kill you all nice and quick-like.” Bebop’s head swung around, sniffing. Gratefully most of this was tech and not refuse, so his sensitive warthog nose had far less trouble tracking the movements of the teenager. “So why don’t you come on out here like a good little future corpse?”

Slowly, Donnie sucked in a breath. He was just about ready to break cover when a laser blast shot straight past the tip of his beak and he backpedaled quickly, brown eyes wide. This pushed him right back into view, and he had to clumsily bolt to one side to keep from being crushed under both of Rocksteady’s hammers swinging hard down toward his head. Bits of shrapnel scraped his arms as he tried to get out of the way, and he felt the hot burn of another couple laser blasts as they brushed past his cheek and shoulder.

He had no real cover here, so his only feasible option was going to be to run. Swinging out with his bo, he made an attempt to push Rocksteady back, but the result was the weapon being cracked cleanly in two with the swipe of a hammer.

Now he really needed to run.

Immediately he made a dash for his satchel, but as he reached out to grab it, he found himself tripped, plastron scraping uncomfortably against the ground before he was suddenly trapped against the floor, goop from one of Bebop’s high tech blasters pinning his arms to the damp concrete. His head smacked hard against the rough surface when he was fell, and he had to struggle to regain his field of vision as the world pitched and blurred in a sickening vertigo. He needed to think.

On one hand, this could be a boon. His head was his most vulnerable exposed part, and possible concussion aside, he could just neatly tuck that inside the safety of his shell.

In his current haze, however, he didn’t quite relate what could happen with his shell so exposed.

He tried pulling his hands free, but found using his feet for leverage impossible with them equally pinned. What did they even plan on doing?

“Always have I wanted to see what is under the shell. Today, comrade, we find out.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Even with his head aching as it was, he knew he needed to move, and move quickly. He jerked his arms and legs hard against the sticky bindings, struggling to free himself. Nearby, Bebop gave an indifferent sniff, tilting his head. “Probably gross under there. But go nuts, man, I ain’t stoppin’ ya. It’ll end with the kid dead either way.”

As Donnie continued to struggle, the Russian hefted one of his hammers high over his head. He didn’t even flinch on the downswing.

The only thing the turtle registered was an awful pain, like hundreds of knives, and the sickening crunch of his shell, very nearly drowned out by his own agonized cry. Moments later, the room was filled with nothing but a deafening silence. Not even the two mutants standing over his now still frame spoke, observing the scene with a sort of morbid curiosity.

“Yech. Is even more gross than I am expecting.” He paused for a moment, thoughtful, before leaning down to pick up a bloody piece of shell. “For proof.”

Bebop was leaning back slightly, a disgusted expression on his face. Worse than the gore left behind by the young turtle’s shell being crushed - something he had very quickly decided resided firmly in the realm of “overkill” - was the overpowering stench of blood that now filled the small space. “Ugh, if you say so, man. C’mon, let’s get outta here. Gonna hurl if I gotta be around this much longer…”

Rocksteady glanced at his companion from where he was examining the damage to Donnie’s shell, and he ended up shrugging, flicking blood and chunks of shell from his hammer before hefting it onto his shoulder to follow him, absently tossing the larger piece in his hand. “I am not understanding why you is so sick at sight of blood. Is nothing. Natural part of body.”

“I ain’t got nothin’ against blood, my friend, I just don’t like seein’ it outside someone’s body…”

As their voices trailed off further into the tunnel, Donnie dragged in a ragged breath.

All he could hope now was that someone found him in time.

* * *

Even with the usual bustle of the team messing around before bed, Mikey was bored. Donnie’s lab was locked up tight, as the genius had gone off on one of his scavenger hunts, though their older two brothers thought he was just in there working on something “big and important.” Mikey knew better, of course: Donnie never locked up the lab that tight if he was going to be in it. Too much risk.

There was the want to follow, of course, but this whole thing was special to his genius big brother. As he understood from Raph, who had needled Donnie from afar over the course of the entire day, he had plans to go watch the meteor shower with April tonight. Another thing he thought about tagging along on, but he would probably just find a nearby rooftop to watch the stars by himself. He didn’t want to interrupt the pair, or be in the way.

So it came as some surprise to him as he lay sprawled across the couch, watching repeats of Chris Bradford's 2 Ruff Krew, when he received a text from the brainier half of the B Team. Bringing up his phone to take a look at what had been sent, he saw that he only had one message.

“HELP”

Immediately he was on his feet, rushing to find the first brother he could, nearly running smack into Raph in the process. “Raph! Raph I think somethin’s up. Donnie just texted me “HELP.””

“He probably just wants manual labor to pick up some heavy junk he found instead of taking a cart like a normal person,” huffed Raph in reply, cracking his neck. “Text him back, ask what he needs help with.”

Mikey’s snout crinkled up in frustration and he huffed, fixing his older brother with a stern glare. “Raph, what if he’s really in trouble?”

Heaving a sigh, Raph looked over at his younger brother, then rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine. I’ll come with. I’m tellin’ you, though. It’s probably nothing and we’re just gonna be used to lift some stupid parts he found. Stuff that’ll never find a use and just sit around the lair gathering dust, y’know?”

“We gotta check this kinda stuff out. I just got a feeling.”

“You get a feeling every time there’s a new pizza coupon.”

“Doesn’t make it wrong, bruh.”

He was off like a shot in the next moment, with a clear idea of where he was headed, leaving Raph to rush along in his wake. In general, he wasn’t concerned. There had been many times Donnie had texted them seeking help for heavy lifting, but the further they went, the more he realized that maybe Mikey had a point.

Usually, those texts were to everyone. This one appeared to have been sent to one of them at random, and not a group text. And he usually texted in full sentences, with proper grammar and spelling, as well as punctuation. Not a simple “HELP.”

His stomach turned. Mikey was already pretty far ahead of him, though he could still just hear his smaller brother’s soft, quick footsteps on the damp sewer pathways enough to follow the route he was taking.

Already he was thinking of different reasons Donnie may have to have not included any more information in his text. In a hurry? Something time sensitive? Maybe it was just a butt text.

But all of those postulations were wiped away in an instant when, further up ahead, he heard Mikey give a horrified, panicked cry, followed by screaming for Raph to get in there.

Something had happened to Donnie.

There was something in his younger brother’s voice that sent a chill straight through him. This wasn’t the usual “someone’s hurt” cry… it was something else. He doubled his pace, and when he skidded to a stop in the opening ahead, he could see why.

On the floor, arms and legs still bound by the strange sticky goop Bebop often used in fights, lay Donnie. As the genius was laying on his front, it was hard to tell if he was breathing, but the worst of the damage was his shell: the entire lower section was crushed in, leaving a gaping hole, with jagged cracks spread across what remained in the lower half.

Mikey was kneeling next to Donnie’s still frame, dumbstruck at the carnage, blue eyes wide and glassy. His hands were hovering, like he wanted to do something to help but just didn’t know what.

“Raphie,” he choked out. “Raphie, what do I do? What do we do? He’s- he’s breathing, I can see his shoulders moving, but… but Donnie’s…”

Raph didn’t reply at first, whipping out his sai to work loose the gunk that was still holding his younger brother’s arms and legs to the floor. Rage was bubbling up in his gut, burning in his throat. He wanted so badly to seek out the ones who must’ve done this, but no, not right now. Right now he needed to focus on his little brothers.

For what it was worth, Mikey was doing his best to keep it together. He had a hand on Donnie’s head, talking to him, trying to get through to him if he was even a little bit awake. There was so much blood around them, and judging from Donnie’s broken bo nearby, all of it very likely belonged to the genius.

“We gotta get him loose and then get him home. Start gatherin’ up whatever you can find of his shell- Mike, don’t look at me like that, little bro, okay? We need what we can find. I’m stronger, I can carry him. You gather up whatever you can find. It’ll be okay, baby brother, we can do this.”

Swallowing hard, Mikey nodded, going about shakily collecting what pieces of Donnie’s broken shell he could find. Though from the way he was moving, he clearly wasn’t comfortable- not that Raph would have been either, but at the moment, he had a somewhat more level head.

By the time Mikey was done, he had Donnie’s limbs free, and was now working out the more difficult part: how to move him. He opted to put him over his shoulder like a child, making sure his shell stayed angled upwards. “Okay, Mike, you ready?”

Though the younger turtle was looking away, clearly trying not to focus on his injured brother, he nodded. “Yeah. Let’s just go.”

Nodding, Raph carefully maneuvered Donnie so he could lift him, and he tensed when the taller turtle let out an awful pained whine, just barely loud enough to hear. Reaching up to brace him, he let out a soft breath. “I’ve got you, Don. I have you. It’s okay. We’re gonna be home soon. You’ll be okay.”

He managed to keep his head on straight enough to get Mikey to text ahead to clear the little medical area Donnie had once set up in his lab. They’d had to break the lock (Leo had balked at this, but Raph insisted it was necessary), and the reply had indicated the urgency had concerned Splinter. The response was that it should: something terrible had happened.

Splinter and Leo were waiting in the lair when the trio returned, and both of them looked shocked at Donnie’s condition. Leo gave a horrified gasp, barely managing to get his brother’s name out, as Splinter moved forward, expression somewhere between rage and heartbreaking fear. “Who did this?”

“I think it was Rocksteady and Bebop, sensei,” Raph answered quietly, glad for their father’s assistance in carrying Donnie that last little way to the lab. “Is… is he…?”

Slowly, Splinter shook his head, ears twitching. “He is still with us, if only barely. Leonardo, I will need your assistance. We cannot heal this injury, but we can keep Donatello alive until we can reach help.”

“Hai, sensei. Raph…?”

“I’ll check with the Mutanimals. Maybe Rockwell can help.” He paused, glancing at a wall clock. It was well past midnight already. “Someone oughta call April. Mike, can you handle that?”

The youngest turtle nodded slowly, carefully placing the pieces of Donnie’s shell he was able to find down on a nearby tray. An awful sick feeling rose in his chest at seeing them lying there, and he quickly excused himself, watching Raph tear off for the surface before pulling out his t-phone again.

Quickly, he swiped away Donnie’s last message before starting to pace, quick-dialing April. What a mess this was turning into already.

* * *

April had actually arrived at the spot Donnie had designated early, putting out a blanket, some pillows, and her notebooks so they could sit much more comfortably while they recorded information on the meteor shower. Occasionally as she sat and waited, she checked her phone, noting as the time ticked later and later.

As the time ticked away past midnight, and she was starting to frown. A few meteors could be seen already, far less than would be coming later, and not even so much as a peep from the purple-clad turtle. It wasn’t like him to be late.

She sent the first text at about ten past, gently teasing him for being late when he was usually so punctual. At twenty after, the text was a little more irritated.

At a quarter till one, it was worried.

It wasn’t like him to leave her hanging like this. Usually he, or one of the others, would call if something had gone wrong. This radio silence was worrying her, coupled with a swell of unease. Like all things relating to her powers, it was something of a tingle, a ripple of goosebumps up the back of her neck and down her shoulders. The vague, horrible sense of unease sank deep into her core, gnawing at her gut.

So much so that she jumped when her phone finally rang. Glancing quickly at the call image of Mikey that appeared, making a face at the camera, she gave a soft sigh as her stomach began to churn. Steeling herself, she hit the accept button and brought the phone to her ear.

“Hey Mike. You calling because Donnie’s worried I’ll be mad at him for being late? I’m more mad he hasn’t been answering my texts.” No response, but she could hear the young turtle trying to steady his breathing enough to speak on the other end. “...what’s wrong. Mikey, what’s wrong?”

She could just make out voices in the background before Mikey spoke at last, his voice trembling faintly. “April you gotta get down here. Now.”

The churning in her stomach increased, cold and clenching. “Why? Mikey, why? What’s going on?”

“It’s Donnie. Please, April, you just- you gotta get down here, okay? It’s Donnie, he’s hurt real bad. Please. Sensei doesn’t know if he’s gonna make it. Please, April… hurry. I think… I think he might be dying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The sharp knife of a short life...  
>  Well, I've had just enough time._
> 
> _If I die young, bury me in satin,  
>  Lay me down on a bed of roses,  
> Sink me in the river at dawn,  
> Send me away with the words of a love song..._
> 
> _The sharp knife of a short life...  
>  Well, I've had just enough time..._   
>  **~The Band Perry - If I Die Young**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With few options left and time running thin, the Hamatos seek out an unconventional ally.

“I think he might be dying.”

Those words alone were enough to make April’s blood run cold, her hand flying to her mouth as her eyes widened. No… that couldn’t be right. She had to have misheard him. What could have happened in the span of a single day to put Donnie in this position?

Swallowing hard, she struggled to find her voice. “What do you mean dying? What happened?”

Mikey didn’t reply right away, and she swore she heard his breath catch. It seemed to be taking everything he had to focus enough to speak at all. “We can explain when you get here but please, April. Please.”

The desperation in his voice was enough to drive anyone to tears, and it took a moment to clear the lump from her throat. “I’ll be right down, Mikey. Hang tight, okay? I’ll be right there.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond, hanging up the phone before hurriedly shoving blankets and pillows into the duffel bag she’d carried them up here in. She didn’t have time to stop at the apartment, and she doubted Casey would be there anyway, on account that the only people there were her father and Shadow. On clear nights like this, he preferred to be out doing vigilante work where he could. So she shot him a text instead, insisting he meet her in the lair… but not to stop and pick up his sister. Not until they had all the details. With little time, she didn’t elaborate, instead heading straight to the sewer.

Her heart was racing the entire way, and the closer she got, the more she picked up on the thick, heavy blanket of emotional feedback from her friends. It was a permeating sensation, crawling across her skin in a manner she could only describe as feeling almost exactly like the sound of white noise on an old tv, buzzing just beneath her skin and prickling across the surface. It never quite hurt, but the way it seemed to seep into her pores made her increasingly uncomfortable, and she couldn’t resist a shudder.

Stepping into the lair and tossing her duffel bag aside, she was overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of an oppressive force. Like a mineshaft, with intangible but omnipresent rocks lingering overhead, never seen but suffocating. Her arms went around herself instinctively before she cast a quiet glance around. Mikey was sitting in silence on the couch, far more still and subdued than she had ever seen him. Immediately, she gravitated toward him, sinking to the floor in front of him so she could reach up and take his hands.

She tried not to draw attention to the dried blood on his palms.

“Mike? Hey, look at me.” Her thin fingers curled around his larger ones, gently rubbing the smooth scales until his blue eyes, wet with tears he was forcing back, came up to meet hers. “You okay? What happened?”

He shook his head a little, grasping her hands as if they were the only things holding him there. “Donnie texted me for help. I got Raph to go with me to see what was up and… and we think he ran into Rocksteady and Bebop. They… they…” He choked, groaning softly. “They crushed his shell. It’s really bad, April, there was so much… so much blood…”

That was when the weight of what was happening really sank in. She hadn’t seen Donnie yet, only able to hear Leo and Splinter faintly from the lab as they attempted the healing mantras… if not repairing the damage then at least keeping him breathing. Squeezing his hands, she stood, though it took a moment to pull free from him.

He kept his eyes on her as she walked toward the lab, trying to stay as sturdy and purposeful as she could. She’d seen them hurt before, right? Surely she could manage this.  
The reality of what was inside the lab was beyond even her worst fears. They had Donnie prone on his front, his head turned and resting on a pillow as his brother and father did everything they could to help him. She could just make out the jagged edges where Donnie’s shell had been shattered, the broken outline darkened with blood, and she couldn’t stifle the horrified gasp, hands flying to her mouth as her eyes went round.

It was Leo whose gaze shot to her, his dark blue eyes as wet as his brother’s, though from how damp his mask was and the darker green streaks flowing down his cheeks, he hadn’t been able to hold back his tears.

“April, go sit with Mikey.” His tone was surprisingly firm, despite how his voice wavered. It was a sort of pitch he very rarely took with her, more commanding, like how he sometimes spoke to his brothers. “Raph’s getting Rockwell. We’ll handle things in here.”

“But Leo-”

“Please, April. We need to concentrate.”

He said nothing else, turning his attention back to the mantras. April cast a quick glance at Splinter, but he hadn’t turned his head. She could just see the lingering dampness around his eyes and muzzle, and that told her all she needed to know.

Tearing her eyes away from the trio in the room, she hurriedly turned to head back toward Mikey, stopping only when she noticed he was staring at his hands. “...Mikey?”

He didn’t look up at her, and his voice hitched when he finally managed to speak. “I hadn’t even looked… I just picked up the pieces like Raph asked, and I can’t- I can’t-”

April was at his side before he could get another word out, sitting down beside him to draw him into a hug. The instant she’d pulled him close, he buried his face against her shoulder with a heavy sob. Her own fear and dismay were equally overwhelming, and she found herself with tears streaking down her cheeks as well, resting her head against his.

“It’s okay, Mikey,” she choked out, the words catching against the awful tightness in her throat. “It’ll be okay. He’ll be fine.”

He didn’t seem keen on responding, and for the time being she sat quietly, hiccuping out little sobs as Mikey continued to cry on her shoulder, and the only time she looked up was at the sound of heavy, ungraceful footsteps racing up the leading tunnel toward the turnstiles.

The next moment, Casey vaulted over the turnstiles, stumbling only briefly as he headed toward them. Usual face paint aside, his expression clearly shifted at what he saw. “Mikey? April? What’s goin’ on? Why’re you guys cryin’?” Even his normally energetic tone seemed largely subdued, and after a moment or so, he looked up toward the lab. “...is… is everyone okay?”

April shook her head, shifting as Mikey rearranged himself. “It’s Donnie.” She swallowed to ease some of the dryness in her throat. “They think he ran into Rocksteady and Bebop. They- oh god, Casey it’s awful. They crushed his shell open.”

She couldn’t see his skin past the face paint, but she had a feeling from his expression alone that Casey had just blanched, and he leaned back slightly to stare at her, as if trying to process what he had just learned. Then, slowly, he looked back to the lab. “...is he… he’s gonna be okay, though, right? I mean… this is Donnie. He’s… he’s tough.”

April just shook her head quietly, her voice soft. “I don’t know. Raph’s getting the Mutanimals. They’re hoping maybe Rockwell can help.”

The teen frowned, watching them both with that same thunderstruck expression. He and Donnie hadn’t always seen eye to eye on a vast number of things, but that didn’t mean he ever bore him any ill will. On the contrary, he really did like him, considering him a good friend despite their pettier squabbles. He liked having someone to banter with, even if he wasn’t always on the genius turtle’s level, and appreciated that - despite earlier misgivings - Donnie rarely treated him like he was stupid.

And his little sister liked him, which was sometimes quite a rarity.

He sank down quietly on the floor in front of the pair after a moment or so, shoving back his hood so he could pull off his hockey mask, fiddling absently with the strap. “...how long has Raph been gone?”

April sat back a bit, reaching up to scrub her eyes with her palm, though she kept one hand resting on Mikey’s head. “I don’t know. He was already gone when I got here…”

Frowning, Casey shifted restlessly, yanking off his gloves. Anything, she noted, to keep his hands busy. With his temper, it was amazing he’d stayed there at all. “Did you see him? Donnie? How… how is he?”

His words were followed by a long pause as April shuddered. The cracked edges of Donnie’s shattered shell were all but burned into her mind’s eye, still caked with blood, along with the brittle cracks running down what remained. She tensed when Mikey shivered himself… he’d seen far more of that carnage than she had. “...it didn’t look good, Casey.”

The response from Casey was a low curse, and he shoved his hand back into his hair, enough to dislodge the bandanna he normally wore. He tossed that to the side too, along with his gloves and mask, leaving the whole dark mess hanging in his face. “...I should go find Raph. Maybe I can help.”

“Text him first.” April’s words came out almost as more of a plea than a suggestion. The thought that Rocksteady and Bebop were still out roaming somewhere was chilling, and while she generally wasn’t afraid of them, she worried that if Casey ran off, it wasn’t Raph he would be seeking. “See if he’s found anything. We should all try to stay close, otherwise.”

Though Casey visibly tensed, he did nod. Instead, he pushed to his feet, leaving his mask, gloves, and bandanna on the floor. “I’m gonna wash my face off. No point in having this crap still on here now, and it’s starting to itch.” He was already heading toward the bathroom, still grumbling to himself. “Freakin’ a…”

The room fell eerily quiet again, except for the soft background of the healing mantras being performed in the lab, and April pressed her cheek tightly against the top of Mikey’s head. So long as she stayed focused, kept him focused, they could get through this.

She didn’t look up when Casey returned, sinking down beside her. He did nothing more than that, said nothing, just lifting his hand to rub her shoulder in a silent show of solidarity.

They stayed like that until at last, a cluster of footsteps signaled the arrival of Raph and the Mutanimals. Though the red-clad turtle headed straight into the lab, Rockwell floating quickly behind him, the others filtered down into the pit more slowly. Mikey broke away from April in an instant, jumping up to throw his arms around Leatherhead’s long snout. The mutant gave a rumbling snort, rubbing the much smaller turtle’s shell gently, as Slash came to a stop at the top of the stairs, his head turned toward the lab.  
Even Mondo was subdued, sinking down on a step near Slash, his tail curled down by his feet. “So… he’s not dead, is he?”

There was sort of a collective wince, and Leatherhead gave Mikey’s shell a comforting pat when he shuddered. Casey tensed- April could feel it even in the way his hand rested against the back of her shoulder. “He’s not dead. Don’s gonna be fine. He’s tough as nails.”

Slash still said nothing, though his head swung toward them as they spoke. He had the air of someone very uneasy in his skin, as if the whole situation had made him uncharacteristically unsettled. When silence began to sink in again, he trudged away from the others, making a lap around the lair as he tried to bleed some of the tension from his massive frame.

“This troubles him more than he will admit,” Leatherhead pointed out, shifting so he could sit with Mikey draped on his back. “He is as distraught as we are that this has occurred, but there is something else. He will not tell us.”

“Because it’s awkward to talk about.” The tortoise mutant was lumbering back over, his shoulders hunched. “I did try to kill him once, you know.”

Mikey sniffed, lifting his head to look over at Slash. “You didn’t mean it, dude. You’d just mutated and you were all super confused.”

Slash snorted a bit in response, looking away. “Doesn’t change the fact that it happened. And yeah, I feel bad this is happening now, but there’s some small part of me that’s kinda… happy it did. And I’m- I kinda…”

“You’re afraid of that,” April finished, earning herself a glare from the tortoise. She was hardly intimidated, though Casey and Mikey both noticed how her hand drifted up to clutch the crystal hanging around her neck, as if to ward off anything he may do. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Slash. You haven’t even been humanoid that long… less than a year, right? You’re not that far removed from what happened to you.”

Again he snorted, this time right at her, but when she didn’t budge, he just grumbled out a low sigh. “Something like that, I guess. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna slack off, though… we’re gonna help you guys find who did this, one way or another.”

As the other Mutanimals were nodding, two figures were emerging from the lab. Leo, walking right ahead of Raph, and both of them looked pale and shaken. April stood, immediately hurrying over to get an arm around both of their necks, pulling them in for a tight hug. Each one of them got an arm around her, and for a moment they stood in silence like that. Though no one pulled back, Leo did speak up.

“Rockwell’s going to see what he can do, but it… it looks bad.” His voice was so tight, soft and trembling. “He said we probably bought him some time with the healing mantras, but he doesn’t know what he can even do.”

April nodded against his shoulder, then lifted her head, looking at Raph. He had his head turned away, but she could feel how he shook, the trembling reaching all the way into his hand, pressed tightly against her back. She shifted, pressing her forehead to his temple for a moment. She wished so much that she could ease some of their pain, but while she had gained a great deal more control over her powers as of late, it was greatly subdued by the weight of the emotions swirling in the lair.

For now, all they could do was wait.

* * *

Hours passed. Even with dawn fast approaching and the exhaustion of everyone in the room evident, no one wanted to sleep. Leo and Raph had pulled Mikey to sit with them in a tight pile on the pillows under the lair’s solitary heat lamp, and Leatherhead had eventually drifted over to curl protectively around them, his snout resting across Mikey’s outstretched legs. April had curled tightly into Casey’s side, watching his knee bounce as he tried to settle his own racing mind, and Slash had settled himself next to the couch, occasionally glancing back at the lab. Only Mondo had been able to find sleep, stretched out along Leatherhead’s tail, basking in the warmth of the lamp.

“...you don’t think they’re just… thinkin’ about how to tell us, do you?” Casey finally asked, his voice kept quiet so that only April could really hear him. “You don’t think he’s- that he’s-... y’know.”

She shook her head, still rested against his shoulder. “I think I’d know. I’d feel… something. I think even Master Splinter wouldn’t be able to keep his emotions that tightly held down if Donnie-... if he was gone.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, chewing his lip for a moment. “I hate this. Reminds me way too much of the night Mom died. Just… the waiting. It’s the worst part. Makes you feel sick and angry, all at the same time. And there’s nothing you can do to get rid of that.”

That was something she hadn’t even considered, and the anxious feeling in her chest tightened. Casey had lost his mother almost four years ago, having to watch her waste away from terminal cancer, and considering what was happening now… it couldn’t be easy. She shifted, looping an arm around his torso to give him a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Casey. I didn’t even think about that, I just…”

“It’s not like I talk about it often, Red,” he mumbled, though he didn’t move to push her away. “Besides, this situation’s not exactly the same, right? Mom had cancer. Don just had some asshole smash his shell.” Those last words were spat out with such intense bitterness that it took April back a moment. “We just gotta keep pullin’ for him. It’s all we can do, right?”

Again, April nodded, glancing over at the others. All three had their backs to them, with Leo in the middle, one arm around each of his younger brothers. They had dealt with pain and injury before: Leo had been brutalized by the Shredder once, and spaced on another occasion, but this felt different somehow.

Perhaps it was the severity. Leo hadn’t had a hole the size of a decorative cushion in his shell.

Her head jerked up, nearly cracking Casey in the jaw, when she heard the soft, deliberate tap of Splinter’s cane coming out of the lab. He was moving toward them, his ears and whiskers both pinned back, with Rockwell floating near him. Immediately, her heart clenched. Neither of them looked like the news was promising.

“Well…” Rockwell was beginning, and his voice drew seven pairs of eyes to focus on him alone, “the good news is that Donatello is still breathing. We have him on a sort of makeshift ventilator, but we need better equipment than what we have. I won’t lie to any of you: the situation is quite grave. He lost a considerable amount of blood, and the physical trauma is… well it’s horrific, and that may be putting it lightly. I do have a friend, however, who will have the equipment - and the knowledge - we need to have a better chance at saving Donatello’s life.”

Slash blinked, then hissed softly, snapping his beak once. “You don’t mean Harold, do you? You mean Harold.”

The ape mutant gave a single sharp nod. “I do mean Harold. I know he can be difficult to stomach, but he’s a brilliant man. Something of a polymath, not unlike myself and Donatello.”

Frowning, Leo shifted so he could turn, though both Raph and Mikey remained close at his side. “Wait, who’s Harold?”

“Dr. Harold Lillja is an old friend of mine. He used to work with Victor and I, before he and his more permanent work partner had a disagreement- by which I mean she stole all of his work and took credit for his inventions. He’s become something of a bitter old hermit, but he still works in the sciences, and he is one of the few people outside the lot of you that I trust. We may need to transport Donatello to his lab, but for now, we should pay him a visit.”

Splinter nodded his agreement, and though he spoke with the same still depth of tone that he maintained in all situations, there was something so terribly sad about how he held himself, hiding just behind his words. “I will stay here with Donatello and continue to work to keep him with us. Be safe, all of you. I hope your meeting with Dr. Lillja goes well.”

Slowly as his father spoke, Leo pulled from his brothers, standing. He tried to keep his shoulders squared and strong, but he looked ready to fall apart at the slightest touch. “We’ll do our best, sensei.” He paused. “You’ll call us if anything changes with Donnie… right, Father?”

Splinter’s ears couldn’t have pressed back any further, but they did twitch faintly, and he bowed his head in acquiescence. “Of course, my son. Now go. Time is of the essence.”  
He didn’t wait for the response, instead turning to walk back into the lab as the two broken teams were left to work out their game plan.

* * *

He wasn’t used to everything feeling this fuzzy.

It was strange. His whole body felt fuzzy, like the numb feeling after a hand or foot fell asleep, but all over… even his shell.

Donnie squinted, looking around briefly. He was in the dojo, kneeling in silence under the tree that had grown there, watching as its leaves floated gently down around him. Everything felt like some strange, surreal dream, all at once there and not. But he was so warm, and everything right here was bathed with such a soothing light… like being under the lamp after a nice, long soak.

He could’ve fallen asleep sitting right there, but he leaned back slightly, glancing over at the sound of footsteps and the gentle tap of a cane. “...Father?”

The rat mutant did not reply, instead taking up sieza next to his son. He knew what the young genius did not, of course: neither of them was truly here. It hadn’t been long after he had gone back into the lab that he had noticed Donnie’s pulse weakening, his scales clammy and pale as his breathing began to slack. The healing mantra wasn’t helping, and so he did the only thing he could think of.

He meditated, entering the spirit plane to seek out his son’s wayward spirit, and he found him sitting in sieza, quiet and still under the tree in the dojo.

“I am here, my son,” he finally murmured, lifting one hand to rest against Donnie’s shell. “Do you know where you are?”

Donnie hesitated, brow furrowing. For a moment, he looked confused, as if he suddenly had to question whether what he was seeing was real. “I’m… I’m in the dojo. No, no, that’s not right. This doesn’t feel real.” Intelligent as always, even clinging so tightly to life while so near to death. “...I don’t know. Father, I don’t- I don’t know where I am.”

Splinter resisted the urge to wince, just rubbing his hand in calming circles against the rough surface of Donnie’s shell. It was whole here, as if the gravity of what had happened to him hadn’t truly sunk in yet. As if he didn’t even know, or remember.

“We are in the spirit plane, Donatello. You were gravely injured.” It was so hard to keep the pain from his voice, the worry that he may lose one of his precious children. “I am here because we still need you. I have sought out your spirit to help guide you home.”

Those dark brown eyes, wide and always questioning, focused up on him as he spoke. He knew that the genius was closer to being agnostic, perhaps even an atheist, and it was understandable. He was so full of questions, always seeking answers. He did not fault him his endless thirst for the truth. But now, he needed him to understand.

“...I’m… dying?” He cast his eyes down for a moment before looking back up at the tree, one he and his brothers had spent so much of their childhood climbing. That glow felt so warm, so inviting. “I don’t… want to die. I don’t… Father, I don’t want to die…!”

Quickly, quietly, Splinter shifted how he was sitting so he could pull his son to him in a tight hug, wishing for all the world that he was truly holding him. He knew he could not, not with his injuries, but he could give him this support. Do his best to care for him. To bring his spirit home to them. “We do not wish you to die, either. You must find your strength, my son. My brave, brilliant, precious son. Come home to us. You are needed, as much as you are loved.”

The odd warmth faded as his son burrowed closer into the hug, and he felt both their grips loosening. The room had darkened, and Splinter let out a sigh. Even if just for a little while, he had staved off his worst fear. Lifting his head, he gently pressed his nose to Donnie’s head as the boy spoke again, shaky and uncertain. “Father? What’s happening?”

“We both must go. Continue to hold fast and be brave, Donatello. I am always with you. Now and always.”

* * *

Though they took their normal routes across rooftops and fire escapes on their way to the lab of Rockwell’s friend, every foot that flew by seemed to take forever. In Leo’s mind, every step carried an odd sort of finality, a sense that if they failed here, they failed Donnie for real.

He cast a quick glance around at his family and friends. Everyone looked exhausted, worn so thin. And no matter how hard he tried to shake the feeling, he couldn’t help but worry that they were doing this for nothing.

The lab they wound up at appeared deserted from the outside, but Rockwell floated right up to the garage door entrance all the same, lifting it with the power of his mind alone. From inside, a frustrated voice called out, “You know, Tyler, I lock my door for a reason!”

Following that, a tall, lanky man - probably in his mid-50s - came stomping around the corner in a pair of worn-out loafers. His long, graying dark hair was tied back in a ponytail, with glasses resting on his hawkish nose, and he wore a lab coat over tie-dyed shirt and pajama pants.

“I would have knocked, Harold,” Rockwell sighed, floating over in front of the frazzled man, “but time is of the essence here.”

The man huffed indignantly, reaching up to stroke his beard for a moment as he cast what could only be described as a stink-eye at the unfamiliar grouping standing off to the side. “...and who are they? You know I don’t like unexpected visitors.”

If Rockwell had rolled his eyes any harder, Leo was sure they would’ve rolled right out of his skull. “You don’t care for anyone. Harold, please, this is a desperate measure. There’s a boy dying, as we speak, and you’re the only person we have to turn to.”

For a brief moment, an expression of something not unlike concern crossed the man’s face. In the end, he sighed. “Meh. If you really need the help, I suppose I can help. Tell me what happened.”

Leo did his best to ignore what was being said as Rockwell detailed the extent of his brother’s injuries, and he noticed Raph and Mikey - April and Casey too - were all trying to turn their attention away. Hearing about it was too much at this point. For as much as they wanted, and needed, Harold Lillja’s help, the last thing they needed was a refresher into how serious Donnie’s injuries really were.

All through the explanation, the older man was nodding, and finally, he heaved a sigh, pointing at Raph and Slash in turn as he passed them. “Slash and you… short, angry looking one with the pout. I need you to do heavy lifting.”

Raph spluttered indignantly for a moment, but Leo had his arm in the next moment, squeezing gently. “C’mon, Raph, let it go. It’s not like he’s been introduced to any of us yet. Just breathe and let it go. We need whatever he’s got to help Donnie.”

The shorter of the pair bristled for a moment longer, but finally he huffed out a frustrated “fine,” stomping after Slash. It was nearly an hour later that they got everything they could loaded onto a cart, ready to go.

“If you’re being honest about his injuries, Tyler, I honestly don’t know what you expect me to do. Not that it thrills me to say it, but it sounds like this kid is already as good as dead.” He noted the expressions around him at that, then sighed, wrinkling up his nose. “But I’ll do my best. You have my word on that.”

Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Rockwell nodded. “That’s all we can ask of you, Harold. Thank you.”

* * *

The trip back to the lair was mostly spent in silence, and at some point, Slash and Mondo drifted off to do patrol, leaving Leatherhead hauling what originally had been Slash’s duty. He didn’t seem to mind, taking his leader’s departure in stride as he trudged along with the others.

Immediately upon their return to the lair and the move of the parts to the lab, Rockwell and Harold cleared the lab of everyone but them and their patient, locking the door with everyone lingering outside.

Splinter’s ears flicked back, but he sighed as he looked out at his small family. It had not occurred to him recently, but he took in for a moment just how young his precious sons were. How fragile they and their human allies truly seemed in that instant. It hurt so much to know this had happened all because of his own foolish, ancient feud, but he could not change that now. He could only support them, offering all his own strength to supplement theirs.

“We should all rest,” he finally sighed, flicking his gaze around the lair. “It has been a long night. Leatherhead, you are welcome to stay as well.”

The alligator inclined his head forward just slightly in thanks. “I appreciate your hospitality, Splinter. I would indeed like to remain, at least until we are certain of Donatello’s condition.”

As everyone started to disperse, with April moving to the couch and Casey following Raph to collect a sleeping bag and a pillow, Leo hesitated, glancing up at Splinter. “...sensei… Father... is he going to be okay?”

All Splinter could do was sigh at first, moving forward to place his hand on Leo’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “I truly do not know, my son. But we must remain strong, for him. We must be his anchor now. Go now and sleep. We will talk more once we have all rested.”

Slowly, the eldest turtle nodded, slinking off to his room. Once everyone had settled as best they could, Splinter headed into the dojo, giving another soft sigh as he lit the incense at his kamidana, clapping his hands together and bowing his head. And for the very first time since Donatello’s lifeless body was carried, bloodied and broken, into the lair, he allowed himself to truly weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Death comes like a thief in the night  
>  To steal while you sleep the soul's flickering light.  
> "Well, maybe it's then," she said, "I'll see you again...  
> 'Cause the son never shines on closed doors."_
> 
> _She said, "The son never shines on closed doors."  
>  I open to find only hurricanes blow...  
> Take me away to the green fields of May...  
> Because the son never shines on closed doors._   
>  **~Flogging Molly - The Son Never Shines (On Closed Doors)~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though Donatello has been stabilized, the road remains uncertain, and a question still remains: what will they do about Rocksteady and Bebop?

“I gotta tell Shadow at some point.”

The next evening had been like waking up to a nightmare for most of the people present in the lair. No one had really slept well, and Casey was the least surprised of anyone when he woke to dozens of texts from his baby sister, puzzling over why he had not come home the night before. Followed by even more texts about why he hadn’t come to take her down to the lair like he’d promised.

His mother’s death was still a bitter pill to swallow, and Shadow had been too little at the time of her passing to truly understand the gravity of what was happening. For a long time after she’d died, she’d held on to the firm notion that death was something that could simply be undone. It was painful and heartbreaking… and, he recalled with no small amount of bitterness, why she now preferred to be called Shadow over Gabby.

Now that she was older, having just recently turned nine, she understood much better that when their mother had died, it meant that she wasn’t coming back, and was starting to carry the increasing concern that he would die too… or Mister O’Neil, Splinter, April, or one of the turtles.

The crushing blow, now, that this could very well happen wasn’t one he really wanted to take home. And with no new news, with Rockwell and Harold still hard at work, it had probably been best for the humans to head home.

April frowned softly when he admitted this, reaching out to gently squeeze his arm. They’d taken a mostly leisurely pace back to the apartment complex where the Jones siblings now lived with the O’Neils, and standing at the foot of the stairwell now, he seemed hesitant. The only thing she could think to do was try to give him that gentle nudge. “I’ll be there too. And you know Dad can help. This kind of thing is his specialty.”

“Yeah.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing up for a moment. “...yeah. Thanks, Red. C’mon, may as well not put this off any longer. Faster we talk to her, faster it’s over with.”

He led the way up the three flights of stairs, letting April unlock the door and walk in ahead of him. They weren’t three steps in when Shadow flung herself at Casey, her unruly crop of dark hair - cut into a short, wavy bob earlier that year to donate the length, just like she had wanted to - bouncing around her round freckled face.

When she saw his expression, she slowed, stopping just shy of him and clutching her small hands to her chest. “...Casey? What’s wrong? You look sad. You too, April.”

The pair exchanged glances, and finally, Casey sighed, kneeling in front of his little sister. “Shad… there was an accident. Donnie got hurt, really bad.” Bringing his hands up, he gripped her shoulders, watching as those round blue eyes grew ever wider, mouth pressing into a tight, thin line. “We’ve got a couple of friends looking after him, but we don’t know if he’s gonna be okay. You’re a big girl, so I know you can handle this. We all gotta be strong for him, okay? That’s what Master Splinter says.”

Shadow attempted to draw in a breath, but it hitched in her throat, her bottom lip already starting to tremble. “Is he… is he gonna…?”

At Casey’s expression, looking so lost on how to answer, April stepped in, gently brushing Shadow’s hair back from her face. “We don’t know, Shadow. But that’s why we’ve gotta stick together as a family. If all of us are strong while he can’t be, he may just pull through.”

The girl gave a slow, shaky nod, but she moved forward all the same, thin arms wrapping tightly around Casey’s neck. The boy frowned, immediately pulling his sister as close as he could manage, his own shoulders hitching just slightly when it became obvious she was starting to cry. “It’s gonna be okay, Shadow. Shhhh. Shh, it’ll be okay…”

Frowning softly, April sank down beside them, reaching out to put a hand on Casey’s shoulder. It was the first time since this whole mess had started that his tough guy facade had started to show cracks, kneeling on the floor and hugging his little sister as he finally allowed himself to come to grips with the fact that in a way, he and Shadow were going through that same old hell all over again.

What were they supposed to do? They were all just kids, when it got right down to it. She and Casey were seventeen, and even that wasn’t old enough to know how to handle a couple of grown thugs intentionally trying to murder someone they cared about for the crime of being who he was. They were fighting a war bigger than any one of them, against the Kraang and against the might of the Shredder’s still powerful armies, even more determined in his absence.

There was no power in the universe that could protect them. Not the ninjitsu they had learned, not healing mantras, not the unbearable weight of the softly glowing crystal that rested against her chest.

Here they were, three children sitting in a foyer, and as she realized Casey was letting slip faint, quiet sobs as he tightly held onto his weeping little sister, tears started to roll down her cheeks as well.

They weren’t ready for this. They had never been ready for this.

* * *

As Leatherhead remained in the lair to wait out Rockwell’s work, the three brothers had other plans in mind. As evening twilight fell, they were en route to what had once been the Shredder’s tower. This was not a meeting of friendly convenience, but instead one of reconnaissance. If anyone knew where Rocksteady and Bebop may be hiding out if they were active in the city proper, it was most certainly Karai.

She had, of course, been alerted that they were incoming. Leo had been sure to drop her a text, letting her know that they needed to talk. Something had happened, and it was important. When they arrived, she was sitting on what had once been the Shredder’s throne, the stone structure dwarfing her lithe frame. She was not, however, wearing the iconic helmet, waiting patiently, though her expression belied her concern.

Shinigami had taken up her usual spot, seated casually on the arm of the chair next to her friend and superior, though her attention was on the little black kitten she was scratching behind the ears more than it was whatever conversation was set to start.

As the trio strode in, Karai was immediately on her feet, amber eyes scanning their numbers before shooting to the door. Concern quickly became legitimate worry. “Where’s Donatello? What’s happened?”

“That’s why we’re here,” Leo explained, his tone subdued. He stopped near the bottom of the steps, watching as Karai took them two at a time to meet them on their level. “He was ambushed in the sewers by Rocksteady and Bebop.”

Karai blinked twice as she connected the dots in her head with those names. “...Steranko and Zeck?”

He nodded. “Yeah. They must’ve gotten the drop on him, because they-... they smashed his shell open, Karai. Probably with one of those hammers.”

Her face went even paler at that, and even Shinigami turned her head to look down, gold eyes wide. Karai took a moment to try to compose herself, hands curling into fists at her sides. “You’re sure it was them. 100% positive?”

“He was bound with that goop Bebop uses,” Mikey murmured in reply. His tone was so soft, a far cry from how energetic and boisterous he usually seemed. “That’s how we found him. Just… just left to bleed out.”

Fury all but bled from every inch of Karai’s tense frame as she straightened, painted lips pressing into a thin line as she frowned. “I am so sorry, Leo. I honestly didn’t even know they were in the city. But we can try to help you track them down. I can’t believe this happened, I- what about Donatello? He’s not- is he dead? He’s not dead, is he?”

Leo let out a quick breath, shaking his head. “Nonono, he’s… he’s alive. He’s… he’s hanging in there, barely. But the damage- he was hurt pretty bad, Karai. We’re coming here now because we were hoping you might be able to help.”

“Anything.” Her response came quick as she reached out to put her hands on Leo’s shoulders, squeezing tightly. “You name it and you have it. I’ll send Shini and some Foot ninja to canvas the city, see if we can’t find where they’re hiding out. There’s a medical suite in this building, too, so if you need to bring Donatello here for anything at all, it’s at your disposal.”

His shoulders seemed so tight, though they relaxed slightly under the familiar touch, and he offered a weak, tired smile in response to her words. “Thanks. Right about now, we need all the help we can get.”

The quiet tableau was broken when Shinigami made her way down the steps, reaching up to put a hand on Karai’s arm. The kitten she’d been holding was still seated at the top of the stairway, watching them with wide orange eyes. “Senpai, I will get started right away. Would you like me to take anyone in particular?”

“Take Tezuka; he’s got a nose for this sort of thing. Fujioka, too… and Yamashita and Shinoda. Beyond that, take some of the first dan trainees. This’ll be good practice for them.” Shinigami nodded at those words, bowing before she stepped back, seeming to vanish in a sudden blanket of smoke. Karai was unphased, turning her attention back to Leo. “How’s Father? Is he handling this all right?”

Leo glanced away, but Raph shrugged. His expression was tight, forcing as much emotion from his face as he could. “Well as he can, considering, y’know. One of his sons is dying.” He winced when Mikey reached over to punch his shoulder lightly. “Ow! Geez… sorry, sorry. Just… a little tense.”

Karai’s smile was as thin as Leo’s, but it seemed she was genuinely trying. “Don’t worry about it, Raphael. This is pretty stressful, and I totally get that. I’ll go by and see him later… he could probably use the extra support. Guys, I truly am sorry about this. I feel like this is something I should’ve handled ages ago.”

“Not your fault, sis.” Mikey straightened a bit, and for the first time since they arrived, he seemed to have at least some of his mannerisms back. “Couldn’t’ve known this was gonna happen, right? You helpin’ is a big deal.”

Her gaze drifted to him, and she smiled again, moving back from Leo. “I’ll do what I can, in any case. You guys just let me know, whatever you need.”

Leo nodded slowly, lifting his head. “Thanks again, Karai. I’m-” He paused. At his side, his t-phone was buzzing, and the message appeared to be from Rockwell. Only a few words, but he knew what they meant: they had news. “Sorry. We need to go. It looks like they might finally have some news on Donnie, and I want to check in.”

Immediately, she gave a quick nod, her hand going for his wrist to give it a comforting squeeze. “Let me know what you find out. We’ll come by as soon as we know something.”

* * *

When they did finally arrive back at the lair, they found Casey and April sitting on the couch waiting for them, Shadow tucked between them with her knees drawn tightly up to her chest. Both of the teens looked up when the brothers filed in silently, and stood when Rockwell and Splinter emerged from the lab, everyone quiet and anxious and tense.

“Well?” Mikey nudged, doing his best to look hopeful. “How’s Donnie doin’? Is he gonna be okay?”

Rockwell glanced briefly up at Splinter, then sighed heavily. “In truth, we’re uncertain. We’ve stopped the bleeding and placed a temporary cover over the hole in his shell, but the extent of the damage remains to be seen. For now, he’s stable, and that’s the best news we have. With Harold’s help, we’ve placed him in a medically induced coma… but we need better equipment to do further work and better assess his condition and chances, so we’ve been discussing moving him to either his laboratory or my own.”

No one spoke, and uneasy glances were passed among the teenagers. Casey reached out to grip Shadow’s shoulder when the girl gave a trembling little hiccup, and April wrapped her arms tightly around herself. As Raph reached over to put his arm around Mikey’s shoulders, drawing his little brother close, he was speaking. “Karai offered up a medical lab at the Shredder’s old tower. Not sure how I feel about usin’ Foot tech, but… it’s better than nothin’, right?”

“It is definitely something,” Rockwell murmured thoughtfully, stroking his chin. “I think that would work perfectly. If they have the proper equipment, then we may save him yet. I will say this…” Splinter tensed as he said that, as did everyone else at seeing how their father and mentor was disquieted. “If Donatello does recover, his shell will never heal. Even with your healing being greater than it should be with your mutations, the hole is far too large. Worse still, there was significant damage to his spine… it could be nothing, but it’s equally likely he may never walk again.”

The chorus of dismay that rippled through the gathered group was heartbreaking. Behind the turtles, Casey sank back down on the couch next to Shadow, pulling his sister close as much for her comfort as his, and April just slowly shook her head as Leo fell back to put his arm around her in solidarity. He was keeping his voice as firm as he could. “If he can’t walk, he can’t walk. We can live with that, and Donnie’s smart. He can work around that. It’s just another hurdle. It’s important that he’s breathing. If he keeps breathing… that’ll be enough.”

“Right,” April murmured, putting her head on his shoulder briefly. “That’s enough. I just… I hope he wakes up.”

At that, Splinter finally spoke, though his voice wavered somewhat, indicating his unease. He seemed so very much older just then, the flecks of gray that had been appearing around his muzzle over the years seeming so much more pronounced. “As do we all, April. But we all know Donatello well. We know he is strong, fierce, and determined. We must all have faith in his strength, and be prepared to be here for him through the difficult recovery period that will undoubtedly be ahead… for all of us.”

Rockwell gave Splinter a sympathetic look at that, then reached up to pat his shoulder briefly. “I’ll let Harold know about the new plan, and then we’ll all discuss how to safely move Donatello to this medical facility. With luck… he’ll be just fine.”

He didn’t wait for them to respond, heading back into the lab without another word. After Splinter followed, April pressed her face tightly against Leo’s shoulder. “This is a nightmare. It’s a nightmare, and any minute now we’re all going to wake up.”

“I wish that was the case,” Leo murmured, lifting a hand to rub her back gently. “It certainly feels like a bad dream. Kind of… distant. Surreal.”

Casey frowned, deeper than he already was, rubbing Shadow’s arm. She was crying again, curled up tightly against her older brother’s side, and she hiccupped a little when he spoke. “It’s gonna, for a while. Feels like someone’s playin’ a practical joke on you. But it just… keeps going. Way after the “joke” stopped bein’ funny.” He let out a shaky breath. “It’s bull that this is happening again. Just a different arena, I guess.”

Raph blinked at him, then frowned, reaching over to put a hand on his friend’s free shoulder. “I’m sorry, Case. You don’t gotta chill down here through this, you know.”

“Donnie’s my friend too,” the teen shot back, dark eyes narrowed. “I’m not gonna abandon you guys, or him. We're supposed to be like a family, right? That’s what everyone always says. Family sticks together through this kinda crap.” His grip tightened slightly around Shadow, who gave a wet sniffle. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. How ‘bout you, Shad? You hangin’ in there? I can take you home if you want.”

She shook her head against his side, sniffling again. “I wanna stay with you.”

Leo did his best to give an encouraging smile, glancing over at Casey and Shadow. “Hey, you’ll get to meet Karai and Shinigami. I think you’ll like them.”

Casey nodded at that, freeing his hand to gently rub the top of her head. “Yeah! Shinigami’s got like, eight million cats around her all the time. You two’ll get along great.”

* * *

The actual move took place the next morning, which was later than either Rockwell or Harold would have liked, but they needed to move in the twilight hours when fewer people would be out. Karai and Shinigami met them at the gates to help move Donnie to a proper stretcher, speaking with them quietly all the way up, and once Rockwell and Harold were settled in with the few remaining techs to work, Karai led them to what appeared to be a cafeteria area.

Shinigami - who had no news just yet but planned to make another sweep of the city later that day - had taken to Shadow the instant she saw her, between the Hello Kitty sneakers and a shirt with a tabby cat wearing cat eye glasses, and had taken her aside to show her magic tricks, calling in her familiars so she could play with them to help settle her nerves.

As for Karai, she’d immediately gravitated to Splinter, offering her father a tight hug, which he accepted readily. “I’m so sorry this happened, Father. The facility here is top notch, and it still has all the supplies it had when the Shredder was using this tower regularly. I’m sure we can do something.”

“We appreciate what you are doing, Karai, even if it does feel… strangely wrong to be in the stronghold of our ancient enemy.” He pressed his hand tightly against her back before lifting his head. “This will be a trial for all of us.”

She nodded, looking around at the others. “...you’re all welcome to stay here for the duration of this, of course. That way you’re close to Donatello, especially if anything- if something happens.”

“I know I’d like to take you up on that,” Leo sighed. “First, though, I want- Rockwell said we could come see Donnie after they got him settled, and I’d like to go down and check on him.”

Though she frowned, Karai gave another short nod. “I understand. And I don’t blame you. You guys go ahead.”

Bowing slightly, and giving Splinter a worried look, Leo turned on his heel to head back down to the science lab. His brothers were quick on his heels, though for the moment, April and casey remained behind. This was a moment for the siblings alone.

The medical facility was several floors down, and every bit as sterile as it ought to be. Harold and Rockwell appeared to have ceased in their work for the time being, stepping aside when the three brothers entered, watching in silence as they gathered quietly at their brother’s bedside.

With slight modification to the bed, they had Donnie laying on his back, cushions and padding supporting his damaged shell. From the wrap tightly bound around his abdomen, they had something in place over his shell to protect the open spot… and there were so many tubes and wires fixed into and around his person that it was unnerving. Mikey immediately made a weak, sick sound, reaching out to gently put a hand on Donnie’s upper plastron. “D… oh man…”

“He’s so damn pale…” Raph breathed, shaking his head slowly. “Oh god, Don…”

It was Leo who remained quiet for the time being, just reaching out to pick up Donnie’s unhindered hand in his own. A sick feeling began to churn in his gut as soon as he did, especially considering how limp and heavy his little brother’s hand felt without any sort of resistance behind it. Frowning, he pressed his other hand over the top, clenching his jaw to help bite back the tears that threatened to spring forth. “We’re all here for you, Donnie. Okay? You have us here. We’re going to take care of you. You don’t need to worry about a thing. We just need you to hang on. That’s all you gotta do for us, Donnie, okay?” He paused when his voice cracked, feeling Raph’s hand come to rest on his shell. “We need you to hang in there. It’ll be okay.”

As he spoke, with Raph’s hand pressed tightly against his shell, Mikey leaned heavily into his side. This all felt so wrong. With everything they had faced so far, it didn’t feel like this was how it should be ending. That was what it really felt like: an end. Whether or not Donnie pulled through, their lives were never going to be the same again.

Leo choked, his head dipping forward as the tears he’d been trying to hold back broke through. Mikey’s arms were around him first, his head pressed firmly against Leo’s neck, and Raph shifted to get his arms around them both. The instant he felt Mikey’s shoulders heave in a shuddering sob, he started to cry as well, one hand on Raph’s arm as the other went around Mikey as best he could.

For now, it was all they could do.

* * *

With the turtles occupied checking on their injured brother, Casey and April broke away to explore the complex that had once been a symbol of everything wrong in their little world. Shinigami was more than happy to continue playing with Shadow, who was fascinated by the older girl’s magic and the small army of feline familiars she could call to her side.

They moved in silence for the most part, only greeting various Foot ninja if they were greeted first, which really felt so strange to them. It wasn’t until they’d reached the rooftop, where they could gaze out across the city, that April let out a deep breath, scrubbing her hands over her face.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she was mumbling, shaking her head as the breeze from the altitude whipped around them. “I mean... I know I can’t leave. We can’t. They’re our friends - our family - and they still need us, as much as we need them. I just… this feels like everything just crashed down around us and I don’t know if any of us can recover from it.”

Frowning, Casey stepped up beside her, tentatively putting an arm around her shoulders… nothing but the quiet offer of comfort if she needed it. “I hear you. It isn’t like we asked to get involved in a war, all before we even hit graduation.” He sighed softly, glancing out over the city. “...do you think he’ll pull through?”

Though she shrugged, there was some sense of determination in how April was holding herself, and she took a bit more solace by again grabbing hold of her crystal, long fingers curled around it tightly. “I refuse to think otherwise. He’s survived getting beaten up by Slash, getting caught near ground zero of a building explosion… a broken shell won’t kill him.” Her voice caught in her throat, fresh tears rising to her eyes. “It can’t. It- I- I can’t. I can’t do it, Casey, I can’t- I can’t lose him.”

“I know. He’s your best friend, I get that.” Casey’s tone was surprisingly level, despite the deep current of sorrow beneath it. “I’m nowhere near as close to him as you are, but I get it. Us bein’ asses to each other aside, he’s still my friend too. It still hurts pretty damn bad.”

“I don’t even know what to do anymore. This just… everything happened so fast. We didn’t have any time to process it. What are we supposed to do? I just… the thought of losing any of us was hard enough, but now that it’s staring me in the face… it’s killing me. And I have no idea what to do about that.”

He went quiet for a moment at that, absently rubbing her shoulder as he kept his gaze fixed out over the city. It was so odd to think of it now, how often he’d butted heads with the tech genius. They couldn’t have been more different if they tried, and much of their time early-on had been spent in a genuine sort of rivalry. They’d become friends over time, and there had been some hope that they could finally bury the hatchet. But now...

After several more long moments had passed, he cleared his throat, glancing back down at her. “Red? I was a real ass. And I’m being totally serious about that. I was always so damn rude to Dee, and now… damn it, I was just… I was bein’ stupid, you know? Horsin’ around. Now it feels gross.”

“I know. But that’s not your fault. You two just… didn’t click right away. And you were starting to get along really well. That this happened… that isn’t your fault, Jones, got it?.” She sighed, again scrubbing her hands over her face. “It’s so hard to think of any of that even mattering right now anyway. If Donnie pulls through…”

“When Donnie pulls through. And it may not be my fault, but I wanna clear the air anyhow. I’ll apologize to his face. I need to, just… for me. And for Shad… she likes him a lot, y'know? Said it before, I'll say it again: we're s'posed to be a team. A family. We gotta stick together. Right?” When she nodded, he smiled a little, resting his chin on top of her head. “Good. Right now all we need to focus on is findin’ the creeps that did this to Donnie and teaching them a lesson in payback.”

April went quiet for a moment after that, plucking absently at the loose threads on his vest before frowning. “What is it Master Splinter always says? When seeking revenge, dig two graves? I don’t know if we should go after them at all.” Something rippled through the air around her, heat and static and fury, pulsing briefly as it pushed against her will. Her eyes went briefly white, but returned to normal an instant later. “I mean, I’m furious, but… I think it should be Donnie’s choice.”

Casey froze for a moment, blinking, before he tipped his head slightly. “And… if he doesn’t?”

“...after that… after that, I just don’t know, Casey. We’ll have to cross that bridge when it comes.”

* * *

When the pair returned to the cafeteria area, the turtles were just arriving themselves, and Karai was standing waiting for both groups. Her expression was tense, and a young Foot ninja stood to her left. Casey recognized him as the young man who had helped Shadow out in the tower when she’d been kidnapped, going as far as to assisting them in the fight against their father, and they shared a quick nod before Karai spoke.

“Good. I was just about to come looking for you guys. Yamashita just got back from scoping out the east end. I’ll let him tell you what he found.”

The young man bowed, the hood he had pulled back sliding over his shoulder as he did. It wasn’t until he stood straight that he began to speak, his English clearly much improved in the last several months. “There are business owners on the east end who report a rhinoceros man and a pig man, moving through the alleyways. They say they carry weapons, and one had a bloody hammer when they arrived.” The team tensed, even Karai. “People are nervous. The wealthier people are dismissing the words of those lower than them as imaginings, but we know this to be different. My ninja are searching to find their place of hiding.”

Raph was scowling, his shoulders curled forward, fists clenched almost impossibly tight at his sides. “So we know where they are. We should go in and make ‘em pay for what they did to Donnie. Leo, what do you think?”

“They’ve definitely earned any payback they get,” came his elder brother’s response. For once, Leo’s posture matched that of his immediate younger, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. “Do you have any idea where they were headed?”

Yamashita shook his head, keeping his eyes on Leo now. “We do not know, but we are tracking. Once we know where they are headed, we will return with this information.”

Karai gave a sharp nod, turning to face her scout. “ _Yoku yattane, Yamashita-kun. Konochoushide ganbare_.” She flicked her hand to dismiss him, then, and he gave a bow before slipping off quietly. Once he was gone, she turned her attention back to her friends. “Right, so. Now we have an idea of where Steranko and Zeck are. What we do with that information is your call.”

For a moment, no one spoke. April frowned, rubbing her arms absently before she finally interjected. “I don’t think we should go after them. Not yet. Our focus should be on Donnie. We can’t help him if someone gets hurt chasing down those two…”

“They almost killed him, April,” Raph shot back, green eyes blazing. “Hell, for all we know, they did! He’s layin’ in a hospital bed with machines breathing for him and feeding him and-” He cut himself off, voice crackling as tears welled up in his eyes. “For all we know, he’s already gone forever and we’re just prolonging the inevitable. I say we strike first, before they have a chance to get back to the Shredder or hide.”

“For once, I agree with Raph.” Now all eyes were on Leo, who was clenching and unclenching his fists, clearly trying to get his thoughts in order. “But not in exactly the same way. I don’t think we should kill them, but I want to make sure we find a way to stop them before they hurt anyone else.”

All the while, Mikey remained painfully quiet. He was staring hard at the ground, brow furrowed, rubbing his left arm with his hand. Whatever was going on in his mind at exactly that moment, it was impossible to tell. He continued to hold his peace, even when April broke away to put her arm gently around his shoulder. He just put his head against hers, frowning softly.

As the others continued to talk, he finally sighed quietly, his shoulders trembling. “I don’t like this, April. I think we should stay here, with Donnie.”

“I’m with you, Mikey,” she murmured in reply, wrapping him in a hug. “But we should go with them. We need to make sure they’re safe, if nothing else. Donnie’s already down. We can’t lose anyone else.”

Quietly he nodded, his arms going around her waist to hug her close. The contact alone was comforting, but his grip communicated everything he couldn’t say: the fear of losing any more family, the desperation of wishing Donnie was there with them now to be the voice of reason, the distress at knowing his family was hell-bent on seeking out the ones responsible to see to it that they paid for their actions.

And she felt it just as deeply as he did. Her cheek pressed tightly against his head and she sighed, eyes half closed. “I know, Mikey… I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And I am feeling so small...  
>  It was over my head, I know nothing at all.  
> And I will stumble and fall...  
> I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl._
> 
> _Say something, I'm giving up on you.  
>  I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.  
> Anywhere, I would've followed you...  
> Say something, I'm giving up on you..._  
>  **~A Great Big World - Say Something**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the months slip by, the Hamatos can't help but wonder if they will ever see Donnie open his eyes again.

The remainder of the day was a flurry of activity until word finally reached the team: Rocksteady and Bebop had been located, and it was time to move out. With Yamashita agreeing to watch Shadow while they were away, the team of eight made their way into the east end, with one thing on their minds: hunting down the ones who had so brutally injured one of their own.

Mikey and April had remained the most silent on the subject, neither one of them at all certain if this was how this should be handled. Casey seemed equally apprehensive, but he fed off the anxiety in the air, same as always, and he was raring for a fight. Raph and Leo were leading the charge, overtaking one another now and then the closer they got to their destination.

What they found on arrival was an old apartment complex, likely long since condemned. But it was the perfect spot that could serve as a hideout for a ne’er do well looking to keep out of sight. They wasted no time moving in from the bottom level, canvassing their way up in silence, until they reached the roof, taking to the shadows to listen to the two voices speak.

“Best we move quick, Steranko buddy. I get the feeling they’re not gonna sit around waitin’ for us to come to them, and we still haven’t gotten word back to the boss that we waxed that scrawny turtle clean out of his shell.” The warthog mutant was pacing near the edge of the rooftop, as if working out his thoughts with every step he took. “Not that I don’t wanna smash the rest of ‘em down to paste too, but they’re gonna be mad, and I don’t fight mad ninjas.”

Nearby, Rocksteady snorted, looking over his hammer carefully. “Bah. They is childrens. Childrens is easy to be crushing. They all emotional, make them easier to squash like little bugs.” He waved the weapon absently for a moment, shrugging. “We wait for them to be coming to us, then we crush them into so much powder. Is easy stuffs, da?”

Bebop just rolled his eyes. “If you say so. I’d much rather not take that risk. Those kids are crazy as hell. But hey, with the little smartass dead, maybe that’ll throw ‘em off enough for us to finish off the rest.”

In the shadows nearby, the team remained crouched, listening in silence as the two spoke. With every word, Raph was visibly tensing, coiled tightly and ready to spring out. He gripped his sai almost too tightly, despite Leo’s restraining hand on his arm. For the time being, it was enough… until that last line.

Rage boiled to the surface and Raph broke free of his brother’s firm grip, rushing forward to plow his shoulder straight into Bebop’s back. The attack caught the pair just off-guard enough, but it was clear they were prepared to recover quickly.

“Looks like the little childrens is coming to us, like lambs to slaughter!” The rhino laughed heartily, standing up and brandishing his hammers. “Come on, then! I will smash you like I smashed little scrawny boy’s shell!”

Immediately, Raph’s attention was diverted. In the next instant, both he and Leo were going at Rocksteady, Casey on their heels, while April, Karai, Mikey, and Shinigami distracted Bebop. It wasn’t long before the Russian noticed, however, that far from the anger making their movements less cautious, it only seemed to drive them further… at least in the case of Raph, who seemed more focused, and the force behind each blow was measured and fierce.

Bebop was not nearly as lucky, but with his speed, he was doing a better job than he suspected he might have. He darted around Mikey, the pair of kunoichi, and the witch, trying to pin them each in turn to keep them out of the fight. “Man, we gotta get out of here. We don’t have nearly the backup we need!”

“Hah! You is just talking cowardly.” Rocksteady swept out one arm, sending his own assailants scattering. “What is the matter, little childrens. So sad little scrawny boy is crushed in two? I was glad to be ending it quickly… he had piercing scream, like train whistle. Little coward. These shells, they break so easy. His? Cracked like fresh egg.”

His words had the desired effect, but while Raph’s rage only built, he also drew the ire of another presence on the rooftop. With every word, April could feel herself bristle, the full strength of her power prickling like a thousand tiny needles sticking up into her bones, pressing behind her eyes like a headache, though no pain followed. The crystal around her neck began to glow fiercely, pulsing in time with each steady heartbeat and whiting out her eyes. It lifted slowly in front of her as the ripple of pure energy levitated her hair, as well as several small chunks of gravel and concrete near her feet. Her fists clenched as she turned from the fight with Bebop, and as the last words left the Russian’s mouth, she whipped around, flinging out one hand.

The force of the blast that she unleashed sent the rhino mutant tumbling head over heels until he smashed into a wall face first with enough force that he knocked multiple bricks loose, dislodging the rooftop building from its foundation. And when he fell back, Raph was immediately on his chest, spinning his sai and preparing to strike while his opponent was down.

He was already on the downswing when all at once something collided with his side, causing him to go rolling across the rooftop with his own assailant. Once he came to a stop, the weight was on top of him. It was Mikey, knee pressed into his plastron and nunchaku softly pressed against his throat. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was enough to keep him from moving.

“That’s enough, Raph!” he hissed. “You can’t kill him!”

Raph didn’t struggle, but he was glaring up at his baby brother, hurt and betrayal carved into his features. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t, Mikey!” he shouted back. “He killed Donnie! He took that damn hammer and he smashed his shell in and he damn well killed him!”

Slowly, Mikey shook his head. Under most circumstances, he would have backed down in the face of his brother’s rage, but not this time. This time was different, and he knew full well the difference between one of Raph’s tantrums and a genuine blistering fury. He knew when it was time to intervene, and now was one of those times.

All around them, the fight had already continued, with the rest of the team working on driving the two other mutants away. “He’s not dead yet, Raph. He didn’t kill him. He just hurt him. And I’m mad too. I’m super mad, like. Way madder than I’ve ever been, but this isn’t the way. Sensei always tells us not to seek revenge. He says it’s the fastest way to an early grave, and you know something? I think he’s right. Please, Raphie. I don’t wanna hurt you, but I’ll fight you if you try to throw me off. And I won’t hold back.”

For a moment, Raph just stared back up at him. The wheels were turning in his head. On a good day, he knew he could take Mikey in a fight. Physically, he was far stronger, and Mikey was considerably more unfocused. But he knew that look. The way those pale blue eyes burned down at him, the thin frown that creased his round face.

Fighting Mikey on a good day was one thing. Fighting Mikey when he was perfectly willing to put you on your ass faster than slipping on fresh ice? Not a great plan.

Slowly, his breathing began to settle, the roaring of his heartbeat easing in his ears. The sounds of the fight were mostly gone, and all that remained was their family, standing in a loose circle around them. Raph blinked twice, then coughed, choking softly as he lifted one arm to cover his eyes as if to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over. And slowly, Mikey moved his nunchaku, putting them aside as he allowed himself to rest on top of his older brother, arms going around his neck to hug him.  
“I know, big bro. Me too. I’m right here, okay? I got you, bro. I got you.”

He remained still, quiet, as Raph finally started to sob, reaching up to hug Mikey as close as he could get him. “I’m so sorry, Mike…”

The smaller turtle just shook his head, gently nudging his beak against Raph’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it, bro. Just let it out, okay? We all gotta. You’ll feel better after a good cry, I promise.”

And for a moment, the rooftop was mostly in silence, with nothing but Raph’s harsh, bitter tears and Mikey’s soft, soothing words to fill the quiet. When his grieving finally began to still, Mikey leaned back, pushing himself up. Raph sniffed, freeing one arm to wipe his eyes. “...thanks, little bro.”

“Don’t mention it, Raph. I got your back.” He rolled to the side, offering his hands to help Raph sit up, then looked up at the others. “Where’d Rocksteady and Bebop go?”

Karai motioned off into the distant. “Out of town, it looks like. But they’ll probably think twice about trying that stunt again. You guys okay?”

Raph nodded. “Yeah. I mean, not really. But we will be. We just… need a little time.”

* * *

The trudge back to the lair was slow, almost deliberate. Karai and Shinigami both had disagreed at the thought of letting the two mutants go instead of pursuing them, but they hadn’t broken off, choosing to follow them back to the tower. Only after, Leo noted, Shinigami had sent a couple of her cats to tail the pair and determine where they were headed. He hoped it would lead to a breakthrough on the Shredder, but while Rocksteady and Bebop weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, he had a feeling they weren’t quite that stupid.

Splinter was waiting for them when they arrived at the tower, his expression somewhere between irritation and worry, and he swept over to them with his ears pinned back. As he had been sitting with Donnie when they left, it made sense to all of them that he would be concerned now, especially considering everything that had happened. “Where have you been?”

Looks were exchanged, and finally Leo cleared his throat softly, stepping forward. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you where we were headed, sensei. We had word on where Rocksteady and Bebop were hiding out, so we… we went out to find them.”

Slowly, Splinter let out a breath, clearly trying to settle himself before he spoke. There was a definite expression of disappointment on his face. “And what happened when you found them?”

“We fought ‘em,” Mikey interjected, “but I stopped it. And I stopped Raph from… y’know, going too far.” He immediately puffed himself up as he spoke. “I’m not sorry I did it. You said we shouldn’t seek revenge so I did my best to make sure we didn’t. Well, um… as best I could, I guess. I mean, nobody died, so…”

Now Splinter was completely focused on Mikey. His whiskers twitched for a moment, and in the end he gave a long, quiet sigh, reaching out to put his hands on his youngest son’s shoulders. Those pale blue eyes burned defiantly up at him, and he couldn’t help but smile, thin and weak as the expression felt. So often he was underestimated, but a deathly powerful current ran beneath even the gentlest of shallow streams, and it was clear tonight he had shown his brothers just how easily he could sweep them away.

“I am not angry with you, Michelangelo,” he stated, reassuring as he could manage. “On the contrary: I am endlessly proud of you. You are indeed correct: I disapprove of seeking vengeance. I, too, feel the rage and distress at what has happened to Donatello, but if we allow the flames of fury to consume us in the moment, they can never be sated. We will not let this crime go unpunished, but today the pain is still too fresh… and a blade tempered in the blood of revenge will never lose its thirst.”

All around him, expressions shifted. As Leo and Raph bowed their heads, either out of respect or shame, April and Casey both shifted and nodded. Shinigami’s gaze was focused, interested but not as much affected, and Karai looked away, a small frown turning her lips.

He was worried. They were all so young, and so full of anger. So much had happened to them, and there was no denying this was among the worst tragedies to befall them. The times they had lost him, they had one another to fall back on. Even when Leo had been injured, there was an undercurrent - as he understood it - that he would recover. Donnie’s injuries were so much more dire, and he seemed so frail now. His small family was staring at a broken keystone, uncertain whether it would crumble or refortify itself in the fires of this trial.

Leo made an uncertain noise as Splinter was observing them, lifting his head to finally respond. “Sensei, I know you said we shouldn’t seek revenge. I respect that, and I’m sorry I didn’t heed your words, but… what happens if- what- what do we do if… if Donnie dies?”

There was no hiding the chill that settled in the group at the mention of the worst possible outcome. Nearly everyone winced, even Karai, and Splinter’s ears pressed flat back against his head. It was the outcome he feared… that they all feared. That Donnie would succumb to his injuries and never come home to them. He swallowed once, steadying himself. His family needed him to be a pillar of strength as their own was wavering.

“If… we lose your brother. If the worst comes to pass. We will deal with those that harmed him swiftly and without mercy. But for now, our strength is needed here. Keeping the team united is our first priority.” And his gaze shifted to Karai and Shinigami, who were both focused back on him now. “That means all of us.”

* * *

The first month after that fateful night passed in sort of a blur. Staying in the Foot tower was a strange experience, but it was nice to at least be close to Donnie. They visited frequently, drifting in and out, with at least one brother staying at his side when everyone else went out on patrol. Everyone remained hopeful, and every now and then, there were little flickers of hope. April, Casey, and Shadow headed back to school, though they always came back to the tower once classes were done for the day, as eager to check in as anyone else.

During that month, it was Leo who spent the most time at the third son’s side, occasionally spritzing down his scales to make sure he was suitably damp, checking his temperature, and talking to him. For Leo, this was beyond the nightmare situation. He had always worked so hard to keep his team in shape, ready to lay down his life if it meant his brothers would survive unharmed. He had failed in that, and one of his brothers was paying the price.

For a few minutes, he just looked quietly over his younger sibling, memorizing the lines of his face and little things - a new scar on his cheek he hadn’t noticed, new scratches on his plastron, and more - that had escaped him the older they had gotten. How had he neglected so much?

Raph and Mikey had always been close. So had Donnie and Mikey, really. But as the oldest, or at least oldest in the sense they had all sort of adopted, he had always taken so much on himself. And that was even before Splinter had made him their leader. As leader, however, his responsibilities were ten-fold, and the simple fact that Donnie was laying here on this hospital bed with machines performing even the most basic of bodily functions for him…

It cut him down to his core. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was the big brother. He had a duty to protect all of them. He hadn’t, however, been able to protect Donnie.

Quietly, he reached up to run his thumb along his little brother’s brow. “You were always so stubborn,” he murmured softly. “Always had to do everything by yourself. Even when we were little and you were the smallest out of all of us, there you were. Always independent.” He frowned, hand resting against the top of Donnie’s head. “Why couldn’t you let us help you? Why couldn’t you tell us where you were going? I just thought you’d headed out early to meet April. I had no idea that you-... that you were gonna just… go off into that tunnel alone. I know you thought you were safe, but… but that’s stupid. We’re never safe.”

He went quiet for a moment, scrubbing his free hand over his face. He didn’t want to cry, but the tears kept creeping on, along with that awful tightness in his throat. He felt so angry, and he knew he shouldn’t be mad at Donnie. He couldn’t have known what was going to happen that night.

“I don’t mean to sound like I’m blaming you. I’m not. I’m just… I don’t know what to do. You always have the answer. You know everything. But we don’t have you here right now. We don’t have your cleverness or your wit or anything like that. We need that. We need you. We need Donnie. We can’t survive without you.”

He didn’t get an answer, but at the same time, he didn’t really expect one. Donnie was as quiet as he had been the day Raph and Mikey had carried him home, broken and bleeding. It was a little disconcerting, seeing his usually endlessly hard working, constantly busy little brother so greatly subdued. He couldn’t help but wonder in that moment if they’d all felt this miserable when he was down.

But then again… maybe he didn’t really want to know.

* * *

The second month was harder. Optimism remained - Leo had woken up after three months, after all - but considering the severity of Donnie’s injuries, no one was certain if they should even keep holding on as tightly as they were.

It was one night during the second month that Raph, after a particularly loud fight with Leo on an upper level, made his way down to take his turn sitting in vigil. He folded his arms across his knees as he watched the younger turtle sleep, then sighed, getting up to grab a pan of water and a sponge. He looked a little dry.

“Last thing I did was pick on you. You know that? I’ve been thinking about that a lot.” He stayed quiet mostly, using the sponge to gently damp Donnie’s scales where he could reach. “I teased you for going on a date. I knew you were excited, but... I don't know. I guess I thought it'd be funny. Seein' you stamp around like that, huffing like someone just kicked you or broke some of your projects. I know how much that meant to you. I never meant to hurt your feelings or anything, I just... I don't know."

The second son gave a deep, heavy sigh, glancing away for a moment before turning his attention back to his injured brother. "I should've said I was sorry. I should've apologized... maybe offered to come with you, help you find your parts. Then maybe you wouldn't be in this whole mess. Look at you. You're never like this. Never all... quiet and glum and dark..."

It was good that, for the moment, no one really appeared to be present in the room. Raph and Donnie had not been close since they were little, and even then it had largely been because Donnie had helped him learn how to read, while Raph had defended his little brother when Leo teased him for the stutter he suffered from as a child. It was a relationship built mostly on mutual assistance, and they really enjoyed this quiet interaction.

But as time passed, they slowly grew apart.

He supposed it had been inevitable. Donnie was brilliant, and he often had difficulty relating to his brothers. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them or cared about them any less, it was just that with as fast as his mind worked, as vast and endless as it sometimes seemed, he operated on a different level entirely than his brothers.

So it really should have come as no surprise to any of them that Donnie was more inclined to wander off on his own, especially when he felt he’d been somehow mistreated by one of his brothers. In this case it was that he had been picked on, which wasn’t uncommon, and Donnie holing himself up in his lab was pretty normal in those situations.

But this hadn’t turned into a normal situation, had it? It had ended with Donnie having a massive hole in his shell, damage to his spine… and the looming possibility that he may never actually wake up.

Frowning to himself, he leaned back, watching Donnie’s face. It was so weird to see it so relaxed; their tall brother wasn’t really good at taking care of himself. He didn’t sleep nearly enough, and he often wondered if he ate enough. Would they ever get the chance to address it?

“You’d better wake up, you know. If you don’t come back to us so I can apologize properly, I’m never gonna forgive you.”

* * *

By the third month, Harold and Rockwell had given the team news that was at least somewhat heartening. Despite all evidence to the contrary, there were signs of brain activity, meaning somewhere deep in the coma he remained in even after being taken off the medication that had initially induced it, Donnie was thinking. 

Now and then, he would open his eyes, following the movement of someone’s hand in front of his face. He never gave verbal responses, but he seemed to comprehend that he was being spoken to. When Splinter placed a hand under his, quietly instructing him to squeeze if he understood, he complied. He was still somewhere in there.

Sometimes, it just didn’t feel like it.

It was late on a Friday night that April found Casey sitting in silence next to Donnie’s bed, Shadow curled up in his lap sound asleep. He looked as if he’d been having trouble relaxing, but from his posture he at least wasn’t keen on moving anytime soon.

Frowning, she pulled up a chair beside him, watching his face in relative silence. “...how long have you two been down here?”

“I came down about two hours ago so Raph could go get some sleep. Didn’t realize Shadow followed me till I came to sit down. She fell asleep probably like… fifteen, twenty minutes back? Didn’t wanna move her, so here I am.”

April glanced down at the girl. For once since this had started, she actually looked like she was resting pretty decently… which said a lot, as Shadow had been surprisingly upset by the ordeal.

“I’m kind of surprised how hard it’s hit her,” April murmured thoughtfully. “She was what… five? When your mom died?”

Casey nodded slowly, lifting one hand to gently rustle Shadow’s short, dark hair. As many times as she saw him with his sister, it still sometimes took a moment to sink in just how protective and affectionate he really was, and really could be, when it came to her. “She didn’t quite get what was going on back then. All she knew was that Mom was asleep but wasn’t gonna wake up, and… well, at five, you can’t quite get your head around that. Now she gets it, but it’s really messing with her.”

Blinking, April furrowed her brow. “Messing with her? How so?”

“She’s having nightmares again.” He sniffed a bit, though he turned his head to try to hide the flicker of grief across his face. “That’s why she followed me. She’d had another one. You know what she said to me? “Everyone’s gonna die.” And there were just… these big, fat tears rollin’ down her cheeks and she was so sure it was true. She was so sure that it was gonna happen, just like she saw, and that everyone was gonna leave her. Just like Mom did.”

To them, it sounded nonsensical. To a nine year old who had already lost two members of her family to death or drunkenness, it was only logical. A lingering fear that everyone she cared about, who cared about her, was going to leave, far earlier than they should. “I’m so sorry, Casey.”

He shrugged, the movement tense and sharp. He still didn’t meet her gaze, instead focusing on some point across the room. “I don’t blame her. This is just- it’s bullshit, Red, okay? I know I shouldn’t be blaming Don. And I can’t blame you, or me, or anything but those two goons that did this. We can’t even fight back.” His voice was breaking, something she knew she had never heard. “First Mom died, then Dad fucked around and put himself on the Shredder’s payroll, and now Donnie’s dying. I can see why she’d think that she’s losing everyone she cared about. I know it’s stupid and irrational, but damn it, I can’t- I started doin’ what I do to protect people, especially the people I love. And I couldn’t protect any of them. Not like I could cure cancer, or stop Dad from being a dickbag alcoholic, or been there when Donnie got hurt… and I can’t keep Shadow away from any of it. I can’t do anything right.”

April frowned, scooting over so she could lean against his shoulder, her hand reaching out to rub Shadow’s back as the girl continued to sleep in silence. “None of this is your fault, Casey. You couldn’t have predicted it, and even if you’d been able to, if you’d been there, you could’ve been hurt too. Then you really wouldn’t be here, not for Shadow, not for any of us. And she needs you right now. You might not be able to protect her, but you can help her get through it. And you couldn’t protect Donnie… but you’re here for him. Doesn’t that count for something?”

Casey paused before he turned his head toward her. Much as he’d tried to hide it, she knew he’d been crying, and as soon as he was facing her, she reached up to wipe his cheeks with her palm. All he could do was give a short, tired laugh. “Thanks, Red. I know, I’m just… it feels so damn hopeless right now. What are we supposed to do?”  
“We’re supposed to keep hanging in there,” she murmured softly, leaning against his shoulder again. “It’s the best we can do… for Donnie and for everyone.”

“I guess. If you say so, Red. But you’ve never steered me wrong before, so I’m gonna trust you on this one. It’s all I can do right now.”

* * *

As three months slowly rolled into four, that tentative optimism began to fade. He lost responsiveness, returning to a quiet, still sleep that seemed to stretch on forever. The quiet, disheartened feeling through the tower was palpable. No one wanted to say it, but it seemed to everyone there that the worst was around the bend.

It was Mikey sitting with him late one night near the end of the fourth month. He had one arm folded on the edge of the bed, the other lifted to rest the palm of his hand gently against Donnie’s plastron. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep.

There was talk - though they had tried to make certain he didn’t hear it - of pulling the plug. There was no guarantee Donnie would ever wake up, brain activity or no, and no one wanted to see him like this. With his shell as badly damaged as it was, and the amount of blood he had lost… there was the potential of brain damage as well. Quality of life was a question.

He had heard, of course. It was hard to truly keep anything from him for very long. So now he was sitting in silence, just watching as his hand rose in time with Donnie’s soft breathing, feeling his heartbeat just faintly through his plastron.

“You gotta prove ‘em wrong, Don,” he murmured softly. “They don’t think you can do it but you totally can. I know you can. You’re tough.” Quietly, he sniffed, rubbing his cheek against his own arm. “You can’t break up the B Team. You can’t break up the family. It’s been awful since you’ve been down. Raph and Leo fight all the time, and Master Splinter and April try to keep ‘em apart, but it’s just getting worse by the day. I don’t think they knew how much they needed you. You’re kinda like… the bread. On a sandwich. Keepin’ all our parts nice and in line. Without you, you just got lunch meat and veggies and mayo all over the place and it’s kind of a mess. Everything’s going bad.”

Again, he sniffled, pressing his face against his arm. It was so hard not to cry. He’d already cried so much through this whole ordeal, and with any more tears he felt like he’d be completely drained. It was as he sat like that, however, that a quiet sound - a weak, high pitched whine - caught his attention.

His head jerked up, and for a moment he just stared in disbelief. Donnie was whining, softly, trying to lift his head as he shifted his shoulders, looking like he was uncomfortable. In his haste to stand up, Mikey very nearly knocked over his chair. “Donnie?! D, can you hear me?”

The taller turtle made another weary sound, blinking up at him. Unlike before, where his gaze was somewhat unfocused, he actually squinted, like he was trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Intubated as he was, he couldn’t speak, but it was clear that this time- finally- he was genuinely awake. He gave His younger brother a puzzled look, trying to lift a hand, but all he could do was give another frustrated whine.

Mikey gave a thick sob, but a grin was already crossing his face. “Hey, hey, chill, bro. It’s okay, it- it’s fine, all right? Don’t try to talk, okay? You uh… you’ve been through a lot. Okay?”

Though his brow furrowed, Donnie gave a slow, shallow nod. His eyes were clear as they’d ever been, and he was focused directly on his brother, listening intently, and making little sounds in response to questions.

Mikey gave a slow nod, swallowing hard. This was going to be the hardest thing yet to explain, especially seeing as how Donnie didn’t seem to realize what had happened to him at all. He simply gazed up at his brother, bewildered, brow remaining furrowed. Perhaps it was the long time spent in the coma, but he seemed to be genuinely confused about whatever it was that had happened to him.

“You were hurt real bad. Rocksteady and Bebop, they… it’s your shell. We were all really scared that you weren’t gonna wake up, but… you’re here. You’re awake. I think… I think you’re gonna be okay.” He swallowed hard, tears rolling down his cheeks freely now. “You’re awake and you’re back home, D. That’s the best thing we could ever hope for.”

He leaned down to press his forehead very gently against Donnie’s, listening as he made that soft, puzzled whine. It was the best sound he had ever heard.

As much as he wanted to get his family first, he knew it was probably for the best to fetch Harold and Rockwell, who confirmed that this time, Donnie was legitimately and truly awake. They wanted to keep him on the ventilator for longer, as well as the feeding tube, at least until he seemed strong enough to manage on his own, but it seemed to them that he was finally past the crisis point… and safe for visitors, so long as everything was kept low key.

Armed with that information, Mikey had taken off into the tower, calling for his brothers all the way. And once he had all of them gathered, he finally was able to blurt out what he needed to say. “Guys, great news! Donnie woke up and he’s talkin’ and everything! He’s kind of a little confused so Rockwell and Dr. Lillja said we gotta be all cool and low key with him, but he totally recognized that somethin’ was up and he was respondin’ to me and everything and- guys, come on, you gotta come see him. He’s tired and he’s gotta rest so we gotta hurry, okay?”

They didn’t need to be asked twice. Heartened at the prospect that their brainy brother had apparently woken up, they bolted after Mikey. In the medical lab, Donnie was still awake, gazing around blearily and clearly a bit frustrated that his neck appeared to be stuck in a brace of some sort. He made a soft sound when his eyes shifted and he saw his brothers, however, weakly lifting the fingers of his unhindered hand to wave at them.

Raph beat everyone else to the bed, reaching out to take that hand while the other came to rest on top of Donnie’s head, just marveling for a moment that his little brother was awake and looking up at him. “Hey… hey, Don. How you feelin’?”

His weary response was a faint shrug from his brainy brother. But he was smiling, despite the fact that they still had him intubated, preventing him from being able to really speak. But he did lift one hand, gesturing at his throat.

It was Mikey who bounced at that, his hand immediately shooting into the air. “Ooh, ooh, are you thirsty, Dee? I can get that! I already got to have my moment. You guys do the bondin’ thing.”

As he bounded off, Raph returned his attention to Donnie, looking over his face. While tired, he wore an expression of intense confusion, and his dark eyes shifted here and there, taking in what he could. This wasn’t like before, when he was only “awake but unaware,” and he seemed to be considerably more alert.

“You really had us scared, you know,” he started, then blinked, leaning back a bit. “Do you remember what happened?”

He and Leo both watched as Donnie’s snout slowly scrunched up, his expression confused and distant. Then, finally, he slowly shook his head, making a distraught sound. Whatever had happened, he couldn’t seem to recall the events leading to him laying recovering in a hospital bed, surrounded by his family.

It was Leo who intervened then, moving to Donnie’s other side. One hand came to rest gently on his plastron while the other gently gripped his shoulder. “Easy Donnie. I know this is frustrating, but we’ll get through it… and you’ll be able to talk to us about it before too long. Right now, we’re all just happy you’re okay, honestly. We were really worried. We can worry about what you do and don’t remember later, though, okay? You don’t need to stress yourself out or worry too much about it. We’ll handle everything from here. It’ll be okay.”

Donnie nodded faintly, his eyes shifting slightly to the side as Mikey came bounding back over, a cup full of chipped ice in his hand. “Got what you need, D. Rockwell said you could have these. They oughta help you feel a little less parched.”

He took it on himself to offer one up, sliding it carefully into Donnie’s mouth when the genius opened it, as Leo continued to speak. “We’ll get sensei next, since I’m sure he’ll want to know that you’re okay. That is, of course, if you’re feeling up to more visitors. We don’t want to overload you too soon. You’ve kinda been through a lot.”  
Slowly, Donnie frowned, glancing around the room until he found a wall clock. After focusing on it long enough that his brothers turned their heads to look too, he looked back at them, waiting expectantly.

“...around four months,” Raph replied, his tone soft. “We were startin’ to get worried. Especially considering how badly you got hurt.”

Donnie’s expression shifted, then, between surprise and dismay. Whatever he was feeling, it couldn’t have been good, and his brothers reacted in kind.

Immediately, Leo shook his head, his grip on Donnie’s arm tightening. “No. No no no, that isn’t it at all. It was just an accident, Donnie. That’s all. It was an awful accident. What’s important is that you’re awake right now. You pulled through, and that’s what counts. It may take a while before you’re… before you’re back on your feet, but we’ve all got your back. We’ll get you back to your old self in no time. Okay?”

The genius watched him with a small frown, squinting a bit as he spoke. In the end he finally settled back a bit and nodded. And while he still seemed distressed, he did his best to finally offer the best smile he could in the circumstances.

It was better than nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh how we talked, for hours upon end.  
>  What I would give just to do it again.  
> You're lying there in this hospital bed...  
> Won't you open your eyes,  
> And lets talk once again?_
> 
> _If you fly away tonight,  
>  I wanna tell you that I love you.  
> I hope that you can hear me,  
> I hope that you can feel me.  
> If you fly away tonight,  
> I wanna tell you that I'm sorry  
> That I never told you  
> When we were face to face..._   
>  **~Disciple - Things Left Unsaid**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While everyone thought that Donnie being awake would ease the tension, it seems the family still has a long way to go.

Once they had their moment with their brother, Leo broke away to go find Splinter. He needed to know that Donnie had woken up, almost more than any of them, and considering how despondent everyone had felt, this seemed to be his best course of action. The instant he had told him, Splinter was on his feet from his deep meditation, almost outpacing Leo on their way back to the medbay.

The sound of soft, relieved conversation greeted them as they entered, as Raph and Mikey were telling Donnie about everything that had happened, and trying to lighten the mood by talking about all the different colors they could think to serve as a suitable insert into the new hole he had in his shell. They both backed away, however, when Splinter approached.

The genius’s smile was watery and thin, but it was genuine, crinkling up the corners of his eyes when their father stepped up to his bedside. Out of concern of a relapse, Harold and Rockwell had chosen not to remove the tube, and so all he could do was grasp Splinter’s hand, expression almost apologetic.

As his brothers looked on in quiet anxiety, Splinter only smiled softly, reaching up to place his free hand gently atop Donnie’s head. “A journey ended safely, even after a long and dangerous passage, is worth the wait. I am so happy to see you, my son.”

His head bowed so he could press his nose gently against the side of Donnie’s head, a motion he so rarely graced them with now that they were all nearly adults. It was strange, looking at everything that had happened. Over the last several years, he had slowly moved from father to teacher, some small part of him wishing to soften the blow should something happen to him. But they had always been his sons, and were still his sons… just as they would always be. It was only now he realized how much pain he felt at having pushed them so far.

They still needed him, and his guidance. And there were days, much like today, that struck him so deeply how much he still needed them. “It will take some time longer for you to recover. You were gravely wounded, and your body must heal. But you have always had a strong mind, quick and clever, and a stubborn spirit. It will be a difficult road to travel, but we will be with you through every step.”

Slowly, Donnie nodded, his eyes closing under the attention. He was still so confused, lost even, over what had really happened. He didn’t remember much. In fact, as he’d said to his brothers, the last thing he really remembered was going to find parts for his telescopes. Then a searing pain and nothing else. Apparently, he’d even been awake a few times the previous month, but he didn’t remember that either. Knowing his family was here and at his back, however, was helpful. So he sighed and shifted, just slightly.  
Which was when something occurred to him. He blinked a few times, then shifted, casting an anxious glance up at his father.

“What is it, Donatello?”

For a moment, he struggled to figure out how to express what was upsetting him. He was staring in silence at the ceiling, and he made a weak noise before he tried to reach towards his legs. It felt almost like his legs were asleep, but that wasn’t it. He was telling them to move, but he got no sensation in return. It was a strange prickling, like static, but he couldn’t tell if the limbs had actually moved or not. It was almost like they weren’t even there.

Splinter got the message… and so did Leo, who swallowed hard. “You can’t feel your legs.”

A ripple of alarm passed through the gathered family members as Donnie nodded silently. They had been warned, of course, that the damage to Donnie’s spine could have lasting consequences, but despite having done their best to be ready for this inevitability, it was doubtful anyone could ever really prepare for this sort of shock. For a moment or so, no one even spoke, but finally Leo swallowed, moving forward to stand on Donnie’s other side, opposite their father. “Do you mean like… are your legs just numb, Don? Is that it?”

Slowly, his younger brother shook his head. He appeared to be focusing on something, and he weakly gestured down at his legs again before looking around at his brothers, anxious.

“Your legs aren’t moving, D,” Mikey murmured, eyes wide. “Like… at all, dude.”

Everyone was frowning. Finally, Leo took a step back. “I’ll get Rockwell and Dr. Lillja. Maybe they’ll be able to have a look. Hang tight, okay?”

He was gone in the next breath, and Donnie made a distressed sound, shifting to try to push himself up. Splinter, worried but doing his best to keep a level head, reached up to grab his shoulder, pushing him back down very gently. “Shh. We will find out what is wrong, my son. Do not overstrain yourself.”

It was hard, of course, for Donnie to heed that. He felt restless, and the fact that he couldn’t feel his legs on top of his inability to speak was distressing. If he couldn’t feel his legs, that meant the hole Raph and Mikey said he had in his shell now was closer to the keel ridge than they had mentioned, possibly even right on top of it. If not directly on the keel, it was close enough to have done damage, and that damage had apparently extended into his spine.

If his spine was damaged, he could be paralyzed. If the damage was severe enough, he could be paralyzed for life. That thought alone was terrifying, and he gave a soft noise at the thought, though he nodded silently to Splinter’s soft instruction, letting out another anxious whine.

Splinter nodded quietly, his thumb gently stroking along the line of his son’s brow. The coma had done nothing to dampen the boy’s intellect, that much was for certain, and it was equally worrying. What would they do if Donnie found himself in a position where he was permanently paralyzed? What would happen if he could no longer walk?

He kept his hand calmly on Donnie’s head while they waited, his free hand coming up to rest on his plastron, over his heart. The presence and touch seemed to calm him somewhat, and Donnie gave a low quiet sigh, though he immediately sat up somewhat when Rockwell floated into view, followed by Harold’s lanky, disheveled figure.

“Glad to see you’re still feeling lively, Donatello. You had us worried for a spell.” Rockwell was saying, though there was a hint of sadness in his tone. “However… Leonardo tells us it appears you can’t feel your legs.”

Slowly, he nodded, his hands starting to shake just slightly. “I keep- keep t-t-trying to mmmm- move them…”

Harold sniffed a bit, moving forward. He wasn’t holding anything, but he did reach out to pull down the sheets covering Donnie’s lanky frame. Reaching down, he pinched lightly at the muscles of his thighs and knees. “Anything?”

Donnie squinted, expression dismayed... and then shook his head.

“Mm. Wiggle your toes.”

The turtle’s expression tightened, muscles in his shoulders visibly tensing… but there was no movement past his hips. Silent still, he looked up at the man.

“No movement.” Harold’s tone remained blunt and stiff, and he moved down slightly, pinching each of Donnie’s toes in turn. “Tell me if you feel anything.”

There was an awful, hollow silence following that statement, and in the end, Donnie gave a soft, distressed whine, slowly shaking his head.

Quietly, Harold humphed, nodding before looking to Rockwell. “It’s exactly like I told you, Tyler. The damage was too severe.”

“Now, Harold, no need to be so pessimistic. At least not yet. It isn’t as if we have any record of how well the mutagen in our blood- mine and the Hamatos, that is- can heal certain injuries. There’s always a chance it could mend the damage done to his spine.”

“I’m just being realistic-”

Donnie frowned, groaning faintly... he had so many questions to start, and not being able to speak was getting frustrating. On top of all of that, he was just plain exhausted, and felt far too tired to deal with scientific squabbles right now. His shoulders tensed somewhat as he tried to force himself to sit up further. All he could hope was that Rockwell at least understood his need for answers, even so early after he'd woken up.

The two looked at one another for a moment or two before Rockwell cleared his throat, turning back to his young friend. “While I’m not sure what you’re wanting, Donatello, you’re smart enough to be told this and understand: the damage to your spine is primarily around the rough equivalent of the L3 and L5 vertebrae.”

Whining softly, the genius sank back against the bed, staring quietly at the ceiling before he squeezed his eyes shut, frowning.

“...that being what it is… it’s quite possible you will wind up paraplegic. I am sorry, Donatello-”

The genius shook his head with a quiet whine. He wasn’t looking at anyone, settling back against the pillows as best he could as his head turned away, falling silent.

More glances were exchanged, and Rockwell sighed. “We should probably let him rest, all the same. We’ll continue to monitor him and let you know if anything changes.”

Though no one was particularly happy about the situation, they couldn’t disagree. After firm but gentle hugs from his brothers and a final press from Splinter’s nose to the side of his head, the family filed out, leaving Donnie to settle in silence, mind too restless to sleep.

* * *

There was an obvious sense of dismay at first when Casey and April returned home from school to find out that Donnie had woken up, but they weren’t permitted to see him yet. He spent the next week drifting in and out, still coherent enough to remember what had gone on the day he woke and gaining strength, at least of mind, by the day. The end of the first week, he was extubated. It wasn’t until the end of the following week, a blissful Saturday, that they were permitted down into the medical area again. Donnie gave a faint smile when he saw the pair of them, and even though it didn’t quite reach his eyes, it was enough just to see him awake.

April gave a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh, hurrying to his side to push herself up onto her tiptoes and press a kiss against his cheek. “You big dummy,” she mumbled, her forehead pressed briefly against his temple. “You scared us all half to death. Four months is a really long time to wait.”

He gave a weary laugh, pressing his head against hers for a moment. Any other time, he would’ve been overjoyed by the contact, but right now, he just felt so tired. So much to take in over a span of barely two days, and even worse, knowing about his legs… but he still managed to smile up at her when she lifted her head. “Y-yeah. I’m ssss- so sorry, April. Mmm- mm- didn’t get to- to see the meteor shower… ww- with you.”

“Don’t you even start, Hamato Donatello,” she immediately chided. She didn’t even blink at the return of his childhood stutter, too happy to see him talking at all. “It was extra credit anyway, not mandatory. My grades are good enough that I’ll live. I’m just happy you’re okay.”

“We both are.” Casey had stepped up on his other side, looking fairly decently cleaned up as far as Donnie usually saw him. He even had his shaggy hair pulled back in a ponytail, out of his face. “Shadow’s been worried, too. You’ve got like eight million cards from her, all hand drawn. I’m sure she’ll wanna show you each one.”

Donnie laughed again, a weak chuckle. Shadow was a great kid, for all she’d been through, and it honestly didn’t surprise him that she’d done that. He just hoped it hadn’t affected her school work any. “Thh- that’s fine. I just- just wanna… get rid of sss- some of this- this brain fog first. No one- no one will tell mmme what happened.”

April nodded, standing straight, though her hand immediately sought his out, squeezing gently. “I know. And we will, it’s just- it’s a lot, Dee. And right now, we just want to make sure you’re staying with us. God, I’m just…” A pause as she leaned her head back slightly, blinking away tears and sniffling before kissing his temple, each touch a tiny reminder that he was alive and breathing and with them. “I’m so sorry. We were scared to death. I’m just so glad you’re awake and talking to us. I don’t know what we would’ve done if we’d lost you.”

For a moment, he just stared up at her, bewildered. He could feel Casey’s hand on his shoulder, which did surprise him a little, but he was far more distraught at April crying… that was one of the last things he ever wanted to see. His hand curled around hers as he fought to find something to say, some way to reassure her that everything was going to be fine. He hadn’t meant to scare her, to scare any of them, as badly as he had.

“We came and saw you every day.” That was Casey, speaking from his other side. “Most of the time just us. Your brothers sat with you a lot too, but I’m sure they already told you that.” He hesitated, then, before clearing his throat. It was barely there, and unless someone was paying attention they may not have noticed it, but he could just faintly hear the way Casey’s voice broke, crackling deep in his chest. “Things wouldn’t have been the same without you, y'know? So, y’know. We’re all happy you’re talking. Second to breathing, anyway.”

“I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious at all. Did Rockwell or Dr. Lillja say anything about your legs?”

Slowly, Donnie shook his head. “O-only that… I mmmm- may improve with… with physical therapy… but it's a long shot. Not- not much else. It- it’s sssscarier than I- than I thought it’d be. ”

Again, April and Casey exchanged glances. Donnie being scared was nothing new, but this felt fundamentally different. He’d been scared about little things, usually. About big things like this too, sure, but all of this felt bigger than big. It felt colossal… monumental even in comparison to dealing with the Shredder and his ilk.

Quietly, April reached up to stroke her hand along the top of his head for a moment, trying to keep her thoughts level. It was so much for all of them to deal with, but here they were. All they could do, the most they could do, was to be here for him.

She was just about to speak up when the sound of soft footsteps caught her attention. Casey may not have noticed, but April did, and her head whipped around immediately, ready for any threat… only to find a startled Shadow standing there, her eyes round and wide, clutching something to her chest. Blinking, April let herself relax, smiling as she put her free hand on Casey’s arm. “Hey. I think we’ve got a little more company than we expected.”

Confused, Casey turned, and he stared for a moment when he found his little sister standing there, watching them both. A short laugh burst out of him, and he grinned as he shook his head, walking over to rustle the younger Jones’s hair. “Hey there, pipsqueak. Thought you were supposed to be sleepin’.”

“You said I was but I wanted to see Donnie. He’s awake, right? Everyone else has gotten to see him. I want to too.” She leaned to the side, peering at the turtle who was smiling wearily back at her. Just seeing him awake brought a brilliant smile to her young face. “Hi Donnie!”

In what was his first time genuinely laughing since he woke, Donnie gave a weary chuckle, extending one hand to wave her closer. “Hhhi Shadow. You- you- you’re gettin’ good at… at sneaking up on us.”

Giving a sheepish smile, the girl headed over to climb up into one of the chairs near the bed, carefully holding the same item she’d been clutching when April caught her trying to sneak over. “Miss Karai’s been helping me. And Miss Shinigami too! Leo says Miss Karai’s teaching me how to fight dirty.”

“Wwwell he might- might not be wrong. But that’s- that’s not- it might be a good thing.” Resting back against the pillows, he glanced at what she was holding so tightly to her chest. “D-did you want… to show me something?”

Shadow seemed to consider this for a moment, and she jumped a little when Casey nudged her shoulder. It only took a moment or two longer before she lifted up the paper in her hands, turning it around so he could see it. The drawing wasn’t fantastic, but it was the genuine effort of a scared eight year old, and in the neatest handwriting she could manage, it had “Get Well Soon!” scribbled above the crude images of him in a bed giving what he assumed was a thumbs up. “Do you like it? I did it myself.”

Donnie blinked a few times, looking over the image. Then, finally, he let a grin cross his face. “It- it’s really good, Shhh- Shadow. You’ve been… drawing with Mikey?”

The girl nodded a bit in reply, reaching over to carefully place the card amidst little tokens brought by friends outside their small group. “And April too. I like drawing, and I figured maybe it’d help you feel kinda better.” She hesitated, just for a moment, round eyes finding his face again. “...did it help?”

He paused. Did it? He still felt weak, and foggy, and he still couldn’t feel his legs. “Good” was relative right now, and he wasn’t sure he was ever going to feel that again right now. But he didn’t want to say that to her. Foggy though he might’ve been, he knew how hard this must’ve been on her… and on Casey. Two people he knew who had been through enough pain and loss in their lives already without watching him waste away in front of them. So he smiled again, nodding weakly. “Yyy… yeah. Yeah it did. Thanks, Shadow. Mean it.”

Though Casey gave a grin of relief, April gave Donnie an anxious look, only distracted when the elder Jones sibling reached over to muss up Shadow’s hair. “Okay, Shad-bad, let’s get you back into bed, huh?” Despite his sister’s grumbled complaint, she willingly let him help her down from the chair, and he turned a cockeyed grin back on the bedridden turtle. “You hang in there, D. We’ll come check in on ya later on. You’ll be back in the game before you know it.”

Shadow huffed, but she waved with her free hand as Casey took the other to lead her out of the room. “Bye, Donnie! Sleep good, okay?”

Donnie managed a sort of weak wave in response, and he let out a sigh, turning his head back to look at April, who had lingered back. Her expression was worried, and she put her hands on his arm, jaw tight. “You’re not really feeling better.”

“No. B-but… but are you gonna ssssay that to Shadow?” He pressed his head back into the pillows, staring at the ceiling for a moment before letting his eyes fall closed. “You- you ought to get some- sss- ssome sleep too, April. I’ll be- I’ll- it’ll be all right.”

“If you say so.” Her hand found his, giving it a squeeze before she sighed, offering a weak smile. “We’ll be back in after classes tomorrow… okay, D? Hang in there.”  
Her response was a nod, though he didn’t open his eyes to look up at her. “Yy- yeah. Hanging in there… it’s ab- about all I can do rrrr- right now. But I’ll do my best.”

* * *

The next month was something of a whirlwind. While the team dealt with patrols, sweeping out Purple Dragons and other gangs wherever they could, Donnie focused on the long road of recovery now laid out before him. He had been thrust into a very difficult situation, and when - after a few weeks of trial and error - it was determined that so far, it appeared he wasn’t going to recover from the damage to his spine, he decided to focus his attention elsewhere.

While the next step should have logically been physical therapy, Donnie had other things in mind. Propped up in his bed after a session, he was typing things into his laptop, chewing on a pencil he was holding between his teeth. Nearby, Mikey was watching, interested as ever as he rocked back and forth in his chair.

“So whatcha workin’ on D? Robot legs? A kinda battle armor suit?”

“Haven’t gotten quite that far, Mike. Right now I still have a load of packing in my shell and saran wrap around my waist. I’d really like to get some kind of functional prosthetic made. Something that can cover that spot and still be easily removable during a shed or whenever there’s growth. I’m thinking of maybe using Nylon PA6Polymer… it’s a fairly sturdy polymer used in 3D printing. We’d just have to take a mold of my shell and feed it into the printer, fiddle with it, and… bam. Instant new shell piece. If we get the right color, it won’t even look any different from the rest of my shell.”

As he talked, Mikey shifted so he was sitting backwards in his chair, arms folded across the back and chin on his arms. His eyes were wide, expression curious. After five months of almost nothing at all from Donnie, hearing him ramble about science was - for once - not even close to being boring. On the contrary, it was such a relief to hear him back into the things he enjoyed.

But there was still something just slightly off about his tone. He lacked his usual enthusiasm, the cheerful interest. It was like something else had been taken away along with that portion of his shell, and he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

It probably wouldn’t do him any good to dwell on it right now, though. He wanted to encourage Donnie to keep at what he was doing, and hopefully keep him from sinking too deep into whatever was eating away at his mind. “That sounds super cool. So what is that nylon polymer whatsit anyway?”

Donnie’s eyes flicked up to him for a moment, then shifted back down to his screen. “It’s used in heavy machinery. Way more durable than your average shell, so way better protection for the squishy stuff underneath.”

“That’s really awesome. You’re super smart, bro, I know you got this all in the bag.”

Donnie gave something of a rueful chuckle at that, a sort of bitter smile crossing his face. It wasn’t anything he normally wanted to talk to Mikey about. He hated bringing his little brother down, and he already knew the sort of trauma he’d endured, having been the one to find him laying with his shell broken open in that tunnel. He didn’t want to add to his pain by mentioning how lost he was starting to feel.

If he couldn’t walk, he couldn’t continue his training. If he couldn’t continue training in ninjutsu, he couldn’t go on patrol with his brothers. If he couldn’t go on patrol with his brothers… then what good was he? The shadows loomed high over every thought in his mind, and it took all of his strength and willpower to keep from losing his grip and letting them overtake him.

Instead, he shrugged, choosing to do his best to let the thoughts roll off his shell. Seeing his little brother sad hurt worse than his injuries had. “It’s a start. Casey and April brought by a wheelchair the other day, and they’ve been kinda pushing me around in it, letting me get used to it. I don’t have the arm strength at the moment to push myself around, but that’ll come back.”

Mikey nodded against his arms, glancing briefly down at the computer Donnie was still typing away on. A thought was crossing his mind, though he wasn’t really sure if he should even say anything. It wasn’t his place, but at the same time, his brothers being on such cold terms never sat well with him. “...y’know, Leo said you haven’t really talked to him much when he’s come by. Is everything cool?”

“Everything’s fine, Mikey. I’ve just been really tired when he’s come by, that’s all.”

“Dude you’re sitting here talking to me. Did Leo say something or…?”

“It’s nothing, Mikey, just drop it.” He stopped, realizing how that had come out, and turned to look at Mikey, who had sat up straight at the sudden sharp tone Donnie had taken with him, blue eyes wide and hurt. “...Mike, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just… I’m not really ready to talk to Leo right now. I already know I’m going to get a lecture, and I’m tired enough without knowing how much I disappointed him and sensei.”

A small frown creased the youngest brother’s face at that, and he leaned back to look over Donnie, scrutinizing and quiet. “...I don’t think they’re disappointed in you at all, D. I think they were scared, and worried, and sad. Just like all of us were. I’m not gonna make you talk to ‘em, though. That’s your call. I’m just glad you’re talkin’ at all. I really missed you.”

Donnie hesitated, then huffed out a short sigh, looking back down at his laptop. He didn’t want to dwell on it, and he had absolutely no plans to. It was too much to fuss with, and there just weren’t enough hours in the day. “If you say so, Mike. I’ll just… deal with it later. I’m… I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

* * *

For Raph, this whole ordeal had been far outside of what he normally wanted to deal with. He had never been very good at handling emotionally thick or drastic situations. He wasn’t as open or as verbose as his siblings, and more than that, he just wasn’t good at laying out his emotions for just anyone to see.

Worse still, he and Leo still hadn’t spoken much since their squabbles during Donnie’s initial recovery, and as a result, they found one another avoiding each other both on patrol and wandering the tower. As stressed as he was starting to feel by this whole mess in general, he had to stop and think: maybe it was just about time to bury their proverbial hatchet. At least for the time being.

One place he had noticed as he wandered through the tower was, surprisingly, a small Shinto shrine. While he hadn’t exactly put it to the Shredder to be religious, he had likely told himself enough lies that he believed what he was doing was for the good of the sort of peaceful nature Shintoism normally preached. Still, that was where he figured he might find his older brother, and he headed off in that direction.

He found Leo seated in meditation in front of the shrine’s kamidana, incense and candles lit. He looked surprisingly serene, calm and quiet, but he could see how his hands trembled.

Quietly, he walked over to sit down beside him.

“Hey, bro,” he murmured, folding his hands in front of him. “I hate to interrupt, but… can we talk?”

At first, he didn’t get a response. Then, after a few agonizingly quiet minutes, dark blue eyes opened and shifted to focus on him. He may have appeared outwardly calm, but Raph could see the tumultuous emotions swirling in his expression. It was something he could relate to.

“What did you need, Raph? Is Don okay?”

Slowly, the shorter of the pair nodded. “Yeah, yeah… he’s good. I mean, I’m here to talk about Donnie, but… not because there’s anything wrong.” He paused. “What about you? You don’t look so great.”

Leo didn’t answer at first, but his hands tightened in his lap somewhat, and after several agonizing long moments he gave a deep, low sigh. “I failed him. I failed everyone.”  
Raph’s brow furrowed. That had not even remotely been the answer he had expected, and after a silent moment or so of staring back at his older brother, he blinked. “What do you mean you failed? We’re all still alive, aren’t we?”

“Donnie can’t walk. He’s gonna be in that wheelchair for the rest of his life. I should’ve noticed he was gone, or stopped him before he left. If I had, none of this would’ve happened. He won’t even talk to me. It’s like he knows.”

“Leo, there’s no possible way you could’ve known this was gonna happen. You’re not psychic, unless you got some brand new meditation nonsense up your sleeve. And honestly, I don’t think he’s upset with you. This is Donnie- he gets mad, but he wouldn’t be mad at you for this.”

Silence fell, and Leo glanced away from his younger brother, staring intently at the shrine in front of him. Smoke swirled around him both from the incense and the candle flames, and it took a few moments for Leo to finally find his voice again, brow furrowing as he glanced at Raph. “That doesn’t change anything.”

Frowning, Raph reached over to grip the back of Leo’s neck firmly. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt him, but it was just enough to keep his gaze focused when the younger of the pair spoke. “We’re all upset about what happened to Donnie, but draggin’ all the blame on yourself isn’t gonna do anything except make you feel worse. And you’ll just make him feel worse, because he’s gonna blame himself for makin’ you feel bad, because that’s what Donnie does. It was a big stupid accident and it was nobody’s fault except the two creeps who cornered him that night. And I cannot believe I gotta be the one to give you this pep talk, of all turtles.”

For a moment, Leo only stared at him, looking very much like he wanted to retort. Then, after some consideration, he only heaved a deep, weary sigh, leaning over instead to press his shoulder against Raph’s, putting his head against his shorter brother’s. “This would be so much easier if we had a clear direction.”

“Eh, our life’s rarely had any kind of clear direction,” Raph sniffed, retracting his hand to instead put his arm around Leo’s shell. “We were pretty much destined to a weird life the day we turned into what we are. We just gotta roll with the punches as they come.”

Leo nodded solemnly, his head still resting against Raph’s. The pair was quiet for a spell longer, before the elder finally sighed again, huffing gently. “I guess I’m just… I’m worried about him. We’re ninjas, you know? It’s not like he can get out with us and fight while he’s in a wheelchair. I hate the thought of him being stuck at home.”

Blinking, Raph shifted. He hadn’t thought of that, but on the other hand, he hadn’t so much thought that he had to. “Well… Donnie’s smart. And we both know that, I mean, come on. How many languages does he speak now? And he reads medical journals for fun. If anyone can figure out how to blaze a trail on past this and make the most of this situation, it’s gonna be him. We just gotta believe that he can do it. He’s done some pretty amazing things in the past anyway. You know, it was his idea to put you in the tub when you were hurt.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He kept that room cold and put you in the water because he said it’d make you brumate. Kinda like hibernating. That way, even without medical equipment, your body’d slow down enough to heal on its own without complications. Or that’s what he said, anyway.” He smiled, giving his older brother a light squeeze. “So don’t beat yourself up over it too much. You know he’ll work this out, and we’ll all come outta this even stronger than we were before. Just wait and see. In the meantime… go talk to him. Your turn to keep an eye on him, anyhow.”

Leo hesitated for a moment, curling his fingers against his thighs. Finally, he sighed softly, nodding. “I guess so. Thanks, Raph. I’ll… try.”

“Best I can hope for, big brother. And the best any of us can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Teach me to number my days  
>  And count every moment before it slips away...  
> Taking all the colors before they fade to gray.  
> I don't want to miss even just a second more of this..._
> 
> _It happens in a blink,  
>  It happens in a flash,  
> It happens in the time it took to look back.  
> I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time.  
> What is it I've done with my life?  
> It happens in a blink..._   
>  **~Revive - Blink**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is going to come harder than any of the boys may have ever suspected...

Honestly, Leo wasn't entirely certain how he had managed to keep his head on straight through everything that had happened. Obviously the world around them had been torn down, ripped to shreds by what had happened to Donnie, but he was keeping it together. Or at least he was on the outside, to the best of his ability, just trying to maintain a calm and cool exterior, a strong front for his brothers and friends. Underneath the surface, however, he was frustrated, tense, infuriated. Even after his talk with Raph, he wasn’t certain if checking in with Donnie was going to do any good. Every time he went to see his genius younger brother, it was like talking to a ghost. His little brother, as much as he loved him, seemed so distant from him, never giving more than simple one word answers, mumbling quietly whenever asked to give more than that. He just wanted to see him smile again, and the longer this went on, the harder it seemed to find that a possibility.

At the very least, Donnie had begun to mostly push himself around, but getting to and from the wheelchair that granted him even this small amount of mobility was something else entirely. He generally had to ring or call for help, and while he appreciated everyone's coming to his aid when he called, a huge part of him longed for the time he spent self-sufficient. This was torturous, and even worse when it was only Leo nearby. Despite what he had told Mikey, he still wasn't entirely okay with talking to his oldest brother about what had happened. Mikey may have insisted that he didn't think the blue bandanna clad turtle would lecture, but he didn't believe that even for a nanosecond. Leo was always for team unity, and here was Donnie, quietly tearing that apart by having made a stupid mistake and nearly getting himself killed.

He had no way of knowing who was closest to him now, as no one sat with him for the entirety of the time... as he preferred it, honestly. But that nagging fear that it may be Leo still lingered with him, and he was thirsty. He hadn't remembered where he'd put his water bottle, but right now, it was nowhere to be seen. His only option was going to be going to find it elsewhere in the room. The wheelchair wasn't too far away- he could see it, just close enough for him to reach, and if he was careful, he should be able to get himself into it without too much fuss. And, hopefully, without anyone noticing his reaching for the thing. Shifting slightly in the bed, wincing at the sharp pang of pain that shot through his back when he did, he shifted to the side, intending to lean over and reach out. Just a little further…

The only answer he really had for what transpired was that he must have overcompensated. It was hard to judge where he needed to go or how he needed to lean, especially right now, with legs that didn't respond to the basic commands he gave them. His hand slipped from the edge of the bed, and before he had time to really move back or catch himself, he lost his balance and fell, crashing from the bed to the cold tiled floor, knocking over the bedside table and a nearby chair, giving a sudden, pained shout when he hit the ground.

All he could feel for a few moments was agonizing pain, rushing up and down his back, and embarrassment and frustration warred in his head as he tried to determine whether or not his legs had followed him down, and whether or not he could pull himself back up into the bed before someone noticed. Hot tears sprung to his eyes and he winced, trying to quickly think through his options.

He didn't have time to finish that thought, however.

"Donnie?" The voice was Leo's, and he sounded worried. "Donnie, what in the- how did you get on the floor?! What are you doing?! Are you hurt?!"

"I'm fine, Leo," the younger turtle snapped back, pulling himself forward slightly, trying to avoid looking up into his brother's face. "Just... leave me alone. I'm fine, okay?"  
Leo frowned, his expression visibly tensing. "You aren't "fine," Donnie. You're laying on the floor in a medical laboratory. What the hell were you trying to accomplish? You're already hurt! What, were you trying to make it worse?"

Immediately, Donnie bristled. Weeks of anger and frustration and pain bubbled to the surface and he snapped his head around, tears welled up in his narrowed brown eyes. "You honestly think I did this on purpose?! I was trying to get something to drink, Leo, that's it. That's my ulterior motive."

"You could've called for help! I was right around the corner, on my way down here-"

"Would you just stop?!" He turned his head down, glaring angrily at the floor as tears dripped down his beak and onto the tile, his shoulders shaking. "Why- why won't you just say what you want to say, Leo? Why won't you just... just tell me you're mad at me. Yell at me. Do something! I screwed up. I know that. Donatello the screw-up, that's me. Stupidest smart guy anyone knows, right? Always getting into trouble, out the gate before his thoughts finish-"

His train of thought was interrupted when abruptly, Leo dropped to sit down in front of him, pulling him into a tight hug, resting the taller turtle's head on his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me you felt like this? Donnie, I'm not mad at you."

Donnie hiccuped weakly, his struggling mostly superficial, eventually stopping with his face tightly pressed into Leo's neck. "Sensei says we have to keep the team together, and I..."

"You got hurt. It could've happened to any one of us." Leo's voice was soft but heavy, one hand resting gently against Donnie's shell - just above the offending injury - as the other pressed against the back of his head, rubbing against his temple with his thumb. "How could I possibly be mad at you, Don? I was so scared. I thought we were going to lose you, and I don't know what I would've done if we had. I love you so much, little bro. I don't tell any of you that often enough. I don't tell YOU that often enough. You do so much for us, and you work so hard. I need you so much. We all do. And I'm so sorry that I made you think that I would be mad at you for this. I'm so sorry you thought, even for a second, that I would be more worried about telling you you'd done something wrong than I was about seeing you sitting up, hearing you talking, knowing you're breathing. I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much, Don, please forgive me, okay? I didn't mean to make you feel this way."

For a moment, Donnie froze, still resting in silence against his brother. Then he lifted his arms, hugging him back, whimpering softly as he tried to keep from crying. He was so stressed out, so worried... and over what? He gave a weak sob, shifting so he could put his chin on Leo's shoulder, his whole frame shaking. "I'm sorry I messed up."

Slowly, quietly, Leo shook his head. "Don't be, Donnie. You're doing great. And we're gonna help you keep that up."

* * *

After his brief outburst at Leo and the anxious talk that had followed, Donnie's mood seemed to improve, at least somewhat. Though there was still that air of desperation around him, quiet and hopeless, he seemed far less distressed. No one noticed this more than Splinter, who was just coming in to visit his son late one afternoon, smiling when he found him awake and again hard at work on his computer. " _Konnichiwa_ , Donatello. Dr. Lillja tells me you are still to remain on a liquid diet, so I have brought some miso and tea for us to share. It will help ease your spirit."

At the sound of his father's voice, Donnie lifted his head, giving a faint smile. It wasn't as strong as it could be, or as it would have been under normal circumstances, but even the faint response was heartening to Splinter, who had heard from April, Casey, and his sons that Donnie had seemed somewhat detached. "Konnichiwa, sensei. Yeah, I'd honestly give just about anything for a peanut butter cup right now, but... well, this is just as good. Thank you."

Splinter nodded, pulling over a chair and a table, settling beside his third son. He could see just at a glance what the boys meant by Donnie seeming worn thin. His aura was faded, and his face was far more tired than it usually was, even when he was working too hard on a project. After pouring two bowls of miso broth from the thermos he had carried down, he pressed one into the genius's hands, ears and whiskers both tipped slightly forward. "What are you working on today, my son?"

"Hm?" Dark eyes flicked to him over the bowl after he'd lifted it to sip at some of the broth, and he cleared his throat softly when he lowered it. "Oh, uh. It's not much. Rockwell likes the idea of using the nylon polymer to 3D print a prosthetic insert for my shell, though Harold's less than enthused. He was thinking a cover piece that has a belt or something might be more beneficial? So I'm doing more research while they bicker that out on their own. I actually kinda like Harold, for everyone saying he's hard to deal with. Sometimes butting heads with someone is the best way to get past a problem. Makes you both think."

"A very admirable way of looking at such a unique working relationship. You may have found a like mind. I do know a young turtle with a brilliant mind and quite a stubborn nature who can sometimes be difficult to work with..." He gave a smile, reaching out to gently pat Donnie's nearest hand. "But… one that is a rewarding and persevering personality to know all the same."

Donnie blinked, then laughed softly, glancing down and away. "Thank you, sensei, but... I guess I'm honestly just not feeling that great right now. Or at least not as great as everyone seems to think I am. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, if I'm being honest. I just... I feel..."

"Lost?"

"...yeah. Lost is a really good word for it, honestly."

Splinter nodded slowly, taking a measured sip from his own bowl, whiskers twitching faintly. He considered for a moment the situation they found themselves in, then gave Donnie a very careful look. "You are lost because you feel you cannot keep up with your brothers?"

In reply, Donnie gave a slow nod. "Yeah. I mean, that's the long and short of it, anyway. How can I keep doing ninjitsu when I can't even walk, sensei? I'm no good to anyone now, I'm just- I don't know. I'm just going to hold them back."

"...hm. There is an ancient art from Japan known as kintsugi. When a bowl or a dish is broken or damaged, it is then repaired with a lacquer mixed with powdered gold or silver. This makes the dish more beautiful, as instead of throwing out a thing seen as useless or masking the things that could have destroyed it, it instead embraces its history. It is made more beautiful by the things that have helped it survive, despite the trials in how it came to be. It makes each piece unique. True, you do not have the original dish, and that will often hurt… but broken does not have to mean useless, or forgotten." Setting his bowl aside, he reached up to take the one he had handed his son, lifting it to show the golden seams in various patterns. It was clear to Donnie in that moment that he had put some thought into his visit today. "Your injuries could have killed you, my son. But your family will help you redefine yourself. You are brilliant, and I believe in your strength and your spirit. You will succeed in this."

Startled, Donnie leaned back slightly, his eyes tracing over the patterns before turning back to his father, his hands shaking slightly. "Sensei, I'm-"

Splinter shook his head, maintaining a firm expression. "You will be fine, my son. I promise."

* * *

Though their talk did less than he had hoped, Donnie did seem at least marginally more at ease. He had never quite been sure how to deal with the flood of emotions he sat on, but constant encouragement from his friends, from his brothers, and from Splinter seemed to at least be helping, even if just a little bit. Mikey was his most frequent visitor after Leo, and right now the youngest turtle was sitting beside him again, this time perched on the edge of the bed, drinking a strawberry protein shake in solidarity with Donnie, who was nursing a chocolate peanut butter one April had figured out how to make.

It wasn't a peanut butter cup, Donnie had sighed, teasing. But it would do for the time being.

"So you've been totally buttoned up on this new project of yours, D," he was saying. "But I heard Rockwell sayin' that you totally have some ideas. Is it about that cool insert thing for your shell?"

Donnie shook his head, carefully shifting so he was leaning slightly against Mikey. "Nah. Not at the moment, anyway. I'm still batting that one around with Harold, but I think I've almost won him over to my side. No, this is for my wheelchair."

Blinking, Mikey turned his head, giving him a long look. "...what kind of ideas can you have for a wheelchair, dude? I mean. It's a chair. With wheels. Wait, are you gonna give it rockets? You should totally give it rockets. Rockets or maybe like. Robot legs or something."

A snort escaped Donnie, a grin finally finding its way across his face at that. "I'm not going to put rockets or robot legs on it. I do want to make it hands free, though. I'd... I've been watching videos. On YouTube. Of martial artists who totally still fight in wheelchairs. I wanna ask sensei if it's possible for me to... I dunno, maybe to see if it's something I could do."

"You'd be a wheelchair warrior!" Mikey grinned at the prospect, gazing at the ceiling before looking back at his older brother. "So like. If you make it hands free and all, will it be electric or...?"

"I'd rather avoid making it an electric wheelchair, honestly. Way too many ways that could go wrong, and I really don't wanna deal with that. I'm actually looking at Segway technology. It moves depending on which direction the user is leaning and how they distribute their weight. That kind of thing could be used to make something that moves at our usual running speed, with a really impressive turn radius. I would be able to move around the lair, too, and-" He paused, then, his expression drooping somewhat. "...you know, I hadn't thought about that. The lair isn't even close to being, uh. Being handicap accessible."

As if on cue, Mikey flashed him a sly grin. "Already got you covered, D. Casey and Raph have been workin' on makin' it way easier for you to get around in the lair. They've put in ramps everywhere, even up to your lab, and we found a spot where we can put in a kinda hidden lift thing so you can get in and out easier! But, uh... you might have to help design that."

Startled by this revelation, Donnie stared at his brother, eyes wide. "...you guys are seriously doing that for me?"

"Why wouldn't we, bruh? You gotta be able to get around at home too. And I'm pretty sure your wheelchair doesn't climb stairs." He paused, blinking a few times before turning his attention back to Donnie. "...will the new chair be able to climb stairs?"

Startled by the sudden shift in tone, Donnie blinked, and then started to laugh. It felt so strange and foreign for a minute or two. He hadn't really allowed himself the luxury of being able to laugh since he had woken up, but now he was laughing so hard at something seemingly so inconsequential that he'd leaned forward, having to push his laptop forward and away to keep from knocking it off the bed.

It wasn't long until Mikey had joined in, and the two of them just dissolved into giddy laughter, leaning against one another, their heads resting together as their laughter resonated through the room. It was several minutes later when, gasping for air as he tried to even out his breathing, Donnie lifted a shaking hand to wipe his eyes. Then, in the next movement, he pulled Mikey in for a hug, their heads still resting together. "Ohh... oh god, I needed that, Mike. You have no idea how much I needed that."

Mikey smiled, a surprisingly quiet expression, and nudged his beak lightly against Donnie's cheek. "You need to smile more, D. I'm glad I could help." He loosely draped his arms around his brother's shoulders, then, just resting silently against him. "You know, I missed you way more than you think. Like... it was so scary, just… y’know, just seein’ you like that. And Shadow had nightmares for like. Days. I had some bad dreams too, but I'm feelin' way better now. I'm just glad you're kinda back to bein' you." He paused, then sniffed. "...y'know I should've gone with you."

"Huh?" Donnie blinked, a little bit taken aback by that statement. "Gone with me? What do you mean?"

"I mean into the tunnel," Mikey mumbled in quiet reply, scooting down to press his head against Donnie's neck. "If someone'd gone with you, then maybe you'd be okay. You wouldn't've gotten hurt to start with."

Donnie frowned at that, rubbing Mikey's arm with a free hand. "Hey, don't say that. That spot's usually really safe, and besides, if you'd been there- if you'd been there, you could've gotten hurt too, and then we'd both have been down. And what if neither of us could've called for help? I'm still not really all that okay with being hurt, not really, but I'm glad it was just me. I'm just sorry you had to see that."

Again, Mikey sniffled, his grip tightening somewhat. "I think about it a lot. I didn't tell sensei, or Leo or Raph. I know everybody thinks about it a lot, but I found you. There was just... there was so much blood. Everywhere. I didn't think you were gonna make it when I found you."

"But I did," Donnie murmured, keeping his tone as level as he could manage. "I'm here."

"Will you always be?" It seemed like such an odd question. "You've just... you've been really sad lately. I don't want you thinkin' you're not worth anything or that- that you might-"

He trailed off as Donnie's grip tightened. It was his turn to be surprised, and it was all he could do to keep his little brother close. "I'm not going to do anything stupid, Mike. I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

He felt Mikey nod against his shoulder. "Good. We can't lose you again, D. I just... we can't. It wasn't the same without you here. And I'm so glad you're okay."

"...I am too, Mikey. I am too."

* * *

"So are you gonna ask him?"

Leo glanced up from the kata he was working on when he heard Karai speak up. She was standing at the edge of the room, leaning against the wall, observing his movements with the sort of casual disinterest he had really come to expect from her. "Ask who what?"

She rolled her eyes at him, then pushed up from the wall, reaching for her tanto. "Spar with me. And I mean are you gonna ask Donatello what he wants to do about Steranko and Zeck?"

Frowning, Leo shifted into a ready position, bowing respectfully to her when she stepped onto the mat. Once she had copied the gesture and they were squaring off, he lashed out, speaking as he did, voice rising slightly to be heard over clashing metal. "I don't think he's ready to make that decision. He's only been awake like, a month and a half."

"They're not going to wait," she replied, ducking low to block before moving to push him back with a sturdy kick to his upper plastron. "We have intel that they're back in the city. I think they might be preparing a full-scale assault, and that means the Shredder may finally be back. If you cut those two out from under him..."

A startled shout tore out of Leo at the blow, and he staggered back a few steps before regaining himself, just in time to block a strike from above. "That's Donnie's call. And like I said, it's his decision to make. Mikey was right- revenge isn't what we should be seeking. We should be focusing on helping him recover, getting him back to fighting strength. And we can't do that if we're focusing only on going after those two. If he wants to kill them, then fine. That's what we'll do. If not..."

Karai rolled her eyes, flipping over him to try to sweep his legs out from under him. Leo countered quickly, jumping before spinning, managing to land a blow to her shoulder that knocked her off balance. She staggered only briefly, eyes flashing. "If not, I still think you should do it. They're not gonna stop coming at you guys just because Donatello decided he doesn't want to take them out for paralyzing him. He's honestly lucky he's not dead." She ducked under another blow. "This isn't rocket science, Leo. They're dangerous, and they won't hesitate to come after you guys again. Even if you get him back up to fighting strength again, how can we know he'll be able to hold his own against them?"

"I believe in my brother," Leo shot back, jumping a few steps back to avoid a blow to the gut. "Donnie's smart, and way stronger than anyone gives him credit for. I know that if there's anyone who can get back to a point where he's actively ready to fight again, it's him." When she struck out with her tanto, he deflected with one of his swords, expression tightening immediately. "You don't know him like I do, Karai. I grew up beside him. I watched him learn to speak four different languages while overcoming a stutter. I saw him learn to code, devour medical journals, and repair everything that kept us alive until our first trip to the surface. For every hardship life has presented him with, he's risen above it. Faster and better than anyone could've ever expected."

This time, when she came at him, he moved a step quicker. Dropping his swords, he grabbed her arm and, using her momentum, flipped her onto her back, standing over her with a firm expression. Though while the sound Karai made was startled, she didn't seem angry, instead just smiling faintly up at him. "You really think he can rise above this, huh?"

Leo blinked at that, then slowly, he nodded. He hadn't been lying, after all. Donnie had the intelligence equivalent to getting several masteries, if not a few doctorates. His genius only grew by the day, and he was always taking in new information, and with every new thing he learned, he seemed to figure out how to overcome just one more obstacle. No, if anyone in this world could figure out how to move past such a devastating injury…

"I do. And I don't just think it, I know it." He took a step back, offering a hand. After pulling her to her feet, they both stepped back, bowing respectfully. "Donnie's gonna blow us all away with what he figures out. Just you wait and see."

Karai smiled right back at him, reaching out to clap a hand on his shoulder at that. "Well. If you believe that much in him, Leo, then I'm behind you both. Every step of the way. I told you when all this started that anything you need, we're here to provide it. That's not changed just because the situation's evolved. How is Donatello, anyway? I haven't really found the time lately to go down and see him."

Rolling his shoulders, Leo shrugged, moving to the side of the training room to grab a towel from a nearby rack. "He's managing. He's not quite as hollow as he seemed at first, and he's talking to me again, which... y'know, always a plus. I honestly thought he was mad at me. Imagine my surprise when it was the opposite, and he thought I was mad at him."

"Well, to be fair, you do have a tendency to come off kind of... bossy?" Karai was grabbing a towel as well. "Well, bossy isn't the right word, I think. You’re kind of a dick sometimes. And you're driven. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I do the same kind of thing myself. You want to be in control of a situation, and now you've got this situation, one you know you can't control. As a result... bam. Instant stress for everyone involved. Still, though, I'm glad he's doing better."

Leo nodded as he wiped his face. "You should go down and see him. I mean, I know you haven't known any of us that long, but I think it might do him some good to hear from you. He was so confused when he figured out we were in the Shredder's old tower. You should've seen the look on his face."

She actually laughed at that, throwing the towel she held around her shoulders, a grin crossing her face. "Oh, I can just picture it. He's that sort, isn't he? If something doesn't make sense, he'll spend hours trying to make it make sense. Though you are right... I mean. I'm trying to figure out how to get to know you guys better, and avoiding going and talking to him now that he's up and about probably isn't the best way to do it."

"No, probably not. But hey, you're doing better than you used to." Leo offered a faint smile of his own, then glanced around the room. How many times must she have found herself in here, facing off not against him but someone like the Shredder? Just being here felt wrong. "...we're gonna stop them. I still plan to make them pay for what they did to Donnie."

A moment of silence passed between them before Karai gave a slow, quiet nod. "I know. It's a matter of figuring out how, though, right? Well... I do have some ideas, if you want to hear them."

"I'm ready to listen to any idea you've got," Leo stated, frowning. "Because before too long, it'll be time to take the fight to them... and I want everyone to be ready for that."

* * *

Despite what he had said, Karai's words still resonated in his head. She wasn't wrong: he did need to talk to Donnie about this. They had no idea how he wanted to handle this situation, or whether or not he would even want to fight at all. So after a quick shower to damp his shell and scales, he headed down to the medical area, this time finding Donnie peacefully playing a game on a handheld device. He almost didn't want to disturb him, but they had a lot to talk about, and if they didn't discuss it, it was just going to make things more difficult for everyone.

So quietly, he made his way over, sinking into a chair next to his younger brother, folding his hands in his lap. "Hey Don. Do, uh... do you have a moment? We need to talk about something."

Donnie blinked, pausing his game to look up at Leo. He looked genuinely confused, and more than a little bit concerned. It wasn't that Leo never came to him seeking out help, but something about his tone seemed like it wasn't help he was necessarily after. His frown deepened a little, but he finally did set the game aside, focusing all his attention on Leo. "Sure, bro. What's on your mind?"

"I was just talking to Karai, and she brought up something that I've been meaning to talk to you about. Early on, right after you were hurt, we ran into Rocksteady and Bebop. Mikey stopped Raph from doing something... regrettable. And I think we sort of mutually decided that in the end, what we do with them- how we handle them- should be your decision, and no one else's. Thing is, I'd been putting off talking to you about this. I didn't want to put that kind of pressure on you, and I wasn't really sure how to approach it. But I can't just keep putting it off. I want your honest opinion here, Donnie... we can kill them. What they did to you, it... it wasn't so much a fight as it was a curb stomp battle, and you didn't really have a chance-"

"Leo, I'm going to stop you right there." Donnie's tone was firm, and his dark eyes were completely focused. "I'm mad, honestly. I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not absolutely furious about any of this happening. I could've died in that tunnel. Not like they would've cared, right? I was just another target. We're their enemies, and I'm pretty much understanding of this fact. There's no changing how this relationship is set, and we can't exactly go back, shake hands, and let bygones be bygones."

Slowly, Leo nodded. "I agree with you. But how do you want to handle it. That's the question."

Silence fell as Donnie considered that question, and he glanced away for a moment as he rolled it around in his mind. He didn't look back at Leo when he started to speak again, instead quietly folding his hands together, frowning. "I'm never going to recover from what they did to me, you know. I mean... not really. I'm paralyzed, for life. My legs are never going to work again. I've kind of accepted that much. I'm not happy with it, and if I'm being honest... I'm terrified. And I'm furious at them for taking that away from me, but... I don't want to kill them. I don't want either one of them dead. At least not in cold blood. Obviously if they push things and get killed, that’s one thing, but just to kill them? No."

The response actually startled Leo, and for a moment, he just stared at his brother. Donnie had looked back at him by this point, his expression tense and determined, but otherwise completely unreadable. "Are you completely sure about that, Don? I mean. If that's what you want, that's how we'll handle this. We're not going to force you to do something you don't want to, and like I said, this is your call-"

"Then accept it at face value that I don't want them dead for this. Think about it, Leo." He lifted a hand to gesture down at his motionless legs. "Will killing them fix the hole in my shell, or make my legs start working again? Will killing them change what happened in the tunnel that night, or give me back the last half year of my life? No. All it'll do is add two more bodies to the count this war is racking up, and right now I just want to focus on figuring all this out... this new normal, or whatever we want to call it."

After a moment or so of quietly considering what Donnie had said, Leo nodded, folding his hands tightly. He had come down here to ask Donnie's opinion on how to handle all of this, and he had gotten it: plain and simple. He shouldn't have been as surprised as he felt, he considered. Out of all of them, Donnie had always been the most pacifistic, leaning toward thinking through how to solve problems more than he leaned on using brute force to barrel his way through it. And he raised a very good point. This war had taken enough lives already, and destroyed countless others. All they could do was ride through it, and hope they could soften the blow.

But it still surprised him that after all he had been through, Donnie showed no thirst for vengeance. He simply sat, watching his brother, waiting for him to reply as the soft melody of his game's music provided a gentle backdrop to the tableau. In the end, Leo gave a slow, careful nod. "You never cease to surprise me, Donnie. I mean... in your position, I can't say I'd give the same answer. Or at least I don't think I could."

Donnie just shrugged at that, reaching out to grab a water bottle sitting on the table beside his bed. "I've always been the weird one. But seriously, Leo, it just doesn't make sense to me to kill them when I'm not dead. Maybe put the hurt on them, show them that they can slow me down but never stop me... but kill them? Nah. That's not my speed at all. And besides, if I kill them, then that just means I can't rub their faces in the fact that they couldn't even slow me down."

"I... honestly can't disagree with that logic. So, what?" He gave a weak smile. "Plan on breaking their legs instead?"

In response, Donnie snorted, allowing himself a faint grin as he looked back at his older brother. "Very funny, Leo. I mean like I said, if that's a side-effect of any future fights, I wouldn't be entirely opposed, but other than that? I'm not out for blood. Our end goal is stopping the Shredder so that no one else ends up in the same position I'm in now. I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

It was such an unusual stance to take, and one Leo had never really considered. He had, for a while, been of the same mind as Raph, something unusual in itself. But both of them had wished to seek vengeance for what the pair of mutants had done to their little brother. On the other hand, Donnie had ended up making a decision far more along Mikey's line of thinking, preferring instead to focus on what he felt was much more important: recovery and moving forward. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that was a stance Master Splinter would have gladly encouraged all of them to take. It had, in fact, been what he had praised Mikey for, the night they'd dragged themselves back to the tower after seeking out Rocksteady and Bebop the first time.

Nodding at last, he reached out to rub Donnie's shoulder affectionately, comforting himself in the way he could feel his brother's muscles shift under his hand. The fact he was alive was a miracle. Whatever Donnie wanted to do moving forward, he absolutely would not go back on that. They had agreed that what happened to Rocksteady and Bebop would be his call in the end, and now, that call was made. He smiled a little, letting his gaze drift back up to Donnie's face.

"You got it, little bro. Not another word on it. Like I said... your decision. We'll abide by that." He gave his shoulder a firm pat. "You know, we're thinking of going back to the lair soon. Did Mike tell you that we've been putting in ramps?"

The previous unease in Donnie's expression started to melt away at that, and he gave a short, quiet nod, leaning back against the pillows with a sigh. "It'll be nice to be home, honestly. I kinda miss my lab. Though I'll be sad to lose as good a lab partner as Harold."

Leo snorted, grinning at that. "Oh god, I can't believe I'm hearing you say that. That said, we're not gonna tell him he can't come to the lair. He's been down there once already." He paused. "You actually get along with him?"

"I wouldn't say "get along" is the right turn of phrase here, but I certainly respect him as an inventor and a scientist, and he's about as close to a friend as someone could consider an eccentric hermit. He also thinks "obstruse" is a real word, but I'll forgive him his weird quirks for the fact that he's honestly interesting to work with, and he brings some good ideas to the table." Donnie stretched, lifting his arms over his head as he gave the room around him a thoughtful look, a faint grin finally crossing his face. "You know, living where we do might seem really strange to some people, but after spending a month and a half surrounded by such sterile equipment and a kind of uneasy sense of "everything is way too clinical," I honestly think I can say without even the slightest moment of hesitation that it's going to be really good to be home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _What if I stumble? What if I fall?  
>  What if I'm the champion on the crawl?  
> What if I lied just to cover the truth?  
> And what if I waste all the days of my youth?_
> 
> _What if I cast all my dreams in the sea?  
>  What if my greatest fear is me?  
> Where can I run to escape from myself?  
> Would you be there? Would you be there?_
> 
> _Cardiac arrest, heart pounding out of my chest.  
>  Don't wanna become like a crash test dummy.  
> And If I let you down will you still want me around?  
> If I'm broken would you still love me?_   
>  **~Reed Deming - Crash Test Dummy~**


End file.
